Do you want him to chase you, as the unattainable WAW, or for choosing to be in an intimate relationship with his best friend?
I don't think the two need be mutually exclusive, but if I had to choose, honestly bridge, I'd choose chase. That he started seeing me as his "best friend" is a big part of the problem.
Isn't the desire to win someone back a powerful motivator to deal with your issues and be a better spouse? It certainly seems to be for a lot of guys here.
Upon reading your H's email I wanted to reach through the computer and smack him.
Thanks Pearl. I appreciate the sentiment.
Originally Posted By: pearlharbr
I understand what Bridgestone is saying and what you said on my thread--if he starts chasing you again do you really want him to catch you? As you know, I'm still struggling with this myself. But it did feel like a vindication to be the one in control, to have the options versus having the choice made for me So I say move forward with your plans and take control of your life! Either H will realize how stupid he's been and do something about it or you'll be better off without him.
Exactly. My life gets better either way. And if he chases me again, I'm the one who decides if I'll let him catch me.
Of course I enjoy being pursued. Is there a woman who doesn't?
Originally Posted By: robx
the real question is do you want to be honest with yourself & your spouse and say "hey the relationship we had didn't work, can we be adult, put our cards on the table, say EXACTLY what we want from each other and work towards this goal which would be one of many goals we would work on together and create a relationship that is lasting & mutually rewarding & fulfilling?"
I do want a mutually rewarding relationship, but I sure wouldn't want to say the stuff you quoted. I got bored just reading it. I don't want a relationship that puts me to sleep and feels more like work than fun.
I wouldn't reply to that email. Considering it's a pack of lies, projection and blame. OH, sorry, I don't think you should come, and it's YOUR fault, and I don't have the energy, because I'm spending it pursuing someone else.
It is ok to reply... (actually BETTER to reply IF you reply with the correct tone and words)
Something like this...
Quote:
"Just got your email. I agree with you totally. Matter of fact I have also been doing some thinking and came to the same conclusions you have. I cancelled my ticket a few days ago. I have been debating when to tell you, but it looks like we have both been thinking the same things regarding our relationship. I didn't want you to be mad that I wasn't coming, but I agree with you in that this is the best thing for both of us......"
Short, blunt, and mysterious..... Relieved because YOU feel the exact same way he does. It isn't working....
Excellent as usual gucci. Relieved is even beyond indifference.
He wrote: "i'm glad to hear that. i did not want to hurt your feelings any more than i have.
and it never was my intention to do that in the first place, nor is it my intention now in suggesting that we bale out of the trip, but it seemed right to suggest this. since you independently came to the same conclusion, this would be a further indication that this at least would be the right thing to do and perhaps protect us both against further pain and misunderstanding."
I'd say he is definitely pursuing, perhaps successfully, some OW.
Not much going on here except that it is much more difficult than I anticipated to find an apartment. I still hope I can be out when H returns. I would love it if H would decide, (before I rent a place), that he plans to stay out of the country for a few months.
No communication with H. I ran in to a mutual friend, (more his than mine) who had talked with my H. He said H asked if he had talked with me and he truthfully told him no. The friend thought it was odd that he asked that. I find it a bit strange too.
I don't want a relationship that puts me to sleep and feels more like work than fun.
