Waiting More Than a Dozen Years

[TeaEarlGreyHot]

In other words, you wife keeps her marriage to you HIDDEN from her friends and coworkers. That, coupled with her complete embargo of all physical intimacy with you for the past 12 years really makes me wonder if she is having affairs on the side. I am generally quite cautious about suggesting such things to folks here (this is the first time, actually), but I smell a rat here.

I've thought about that myself and have even made the accusation a few times (before the sex life went all the way to zero). I do know that her first husband was in contact with her early on in the relationship and that she gave some consideration to being with him. And short of her either volunteering this or me finding out otherwise, there is no real way to know (just as I have considered that I might be the wrong sex for her sexual preference), is there?

But I also know this (and it is a reason why discussions on this site struggle to deal with this)...this behavior is also entirely consistent with what happens to many women that have a complete hysterectomy. It depends upon just how much leeway one is willing to give to the medical effects. I've given quite a bit of deference to that. It does not make it any easier, just a plausible explanation.

According to those stats (and I'm doing this from memory so the numbers might be off by a couple of percent), only about 20% of all women that go through the medical procedure end up with a sex drive equal to or greater than "normal." About 50% end up with a reduced sex-drive, and about 30% go to "zero."

It's been just over 10 years since she had the procedure (and there were lots of complications before she had the operation). That's why I know she is not a candidate for hormone replacement therapy.

On those other websites that deal specifically with this condition (hysterectomy and low/no sex drive), the people are equally perplexed. The ones where hormone therapy has worked swear by it. But others (both men and women) share a degree of frustration and anger but for different reasons as I've noted before.

So, while it's possible that there is another secret life here that involves affairs, it is equally plausible that its all hormonally related (just as it would be if you were castrated and you had no hormone therapy).

Just something to consider as a counter-offer and area for research.

Knowing all of this does not make it any easier, it just gives it an explanation for the behavior. And it still leaves me with a choice to make if this really is the way it is and will be for evermore (Thus, quoth the Raven).