I like your strong position on that. I was puking my emotional guts up when I told her about the dream. I'm in much better control now. If I didn't have this forum for an outlet I don't know if I'd be very far along. How long did it take you to get to a clear and confident position on what you want and need? I ask that both from the perspective of wondering about myself and my W.
I had a pretty good idea from the get go but the problem has been my unshakeable attachment to marriage itself and keeping my family together. So, I really wasn't dealing with reality...
It was when I was really at my bottom, fantasizing about suicide, in so much pain that I went away for a few days and really turned things around. It became clear that if I didn't change my expectations, I would become more and more depressed and my kids would be more damaged.
I still have moments of "this can't really be happening," but, I know that I will survive and thrive if I allow myself to.
Also, I don't know if I will find the perfect guy... ...I just know that I want to feel a peace and joy with whoever I'm with and not this anxiety and constant drama. A LOT of that has to do with me and how I handle myself and what I make space for in my life.
Today at H's, I saw a book about how to hone one's PSYCHIC abilities...he is convinced he is psychic (I know because he has told me many times) and has been watching magic DVDs and practicing tricks...I'm not getting a "stable" vibe from him.
...I just know that I want to feel a peace and joy with whoever I'm with and not this anxiety and constant drama. A LOT of that has to do with me and how I handle myself and what I make space for in my life.
