I found her crying on "my" (formerly our) bed. I walked up to her and we hugged. We cried. We didn't say much. Then she said something to the effect of "Don't hurt me anymore." I said that I never meant to hurt her and that I don't want to be a bad husband. She said she doesn't want to be a bad wife either.
She opened up about feeling so hurt and angry at me. A real deep, hurt anger. She acknowledged having walls up toward, and being defensive against, me.
You handled that very well here. While you don't want to have a relationship talk now, I think you could learn a little bit more about what she is feeling here.
I think you should ask her if she is feeling better later. And then you could say something like "I know that we will deal with all this stuff at Retrouvaille, and I don't want to make things worse before that. But if you could tell me what things I do that hurt you, I will try to avoid doing those things." And then for the next two weeks, try to not do those things. For all we know, your attempts at detaching might hurt her. *You don't know unless you ask*.
After she tells you what things hurt her, thank her for telling you how she feels. End the conversation with a hug or a kiss (or both).
Don't go any farther than that. Don't bring up your laundry list of complaints. Don't defend yourself. Don't tell her she is wrong to feel the way she feels.
Ask the question; listen to the answer -- it's OK to ask questions to get clarification; agree to make an effort; thank her for the conversation. kiss. That's all.
