Managed to pull myself together finally and went off to ride my georgous girl. She always lifts my spirits along with my darling little cat who is now so affectionate, she used to be H's baby and its one thing that makes me so angry with him, how could he be so selfish and put his happiness over hers, she doesnt understand why he is gone although when he called her last time he was up here she turned round and starting washing her bum so I think that is her thoughts on him lol.
On my drive back from the yard I started making a list of things to do this week, gardening needs doing and I need to finish clearing out the shed, there is a pile of ironing that needs catching up with and the usual household chores, told myself I wasnt going to sit down till dinner and I was going to cook something as I had been bad eating today. So I spent an hour in the garden pulling down the ivy, emptied all the bins, and filled the big bin up with rubbish from the shed, then came in and cooked myself a nice hot chicken and bacon salad, followed by berries and vanilla greek yoghurt, will go in search of a glass of wine later I think.
Tomorrow I will get on with the chores, then I have a riding lesson at lunch time, so will if time pop into the garden centre on the way back as I need to start looking at plants for the border I have stripped out, then my son and his girlfriend are coming round for dinner, so plenty to do tomorrow..
I just want to ring him up today and scream you stupid stupid man get a grip and get your ar*e back here pronto before I bash you senseless but I guess thats a no no lol
ooh your questions, we went to councelling and it was the councellor who firstly suggested that working at it was easier than divorce but then instead of trying to get H to see her side of things she then went onto to mention Trial Separation, H grabbed as a life line and was gone by the following saturday and after two weeks came back and said he still felt the same, another week the same and then this weekend I didnt see him but he said he had rented a flat, I was devasted as partly I didnt think he would get the references, he is self employed and hoped that would bring him home to me so that I could at least DB with him in situ! I so wish I had this book before then as at least he was here and I feel so out of sight out of mind now. I dont really feel I can go back as I wasnt really impressed the first time. I have two best girlfriends and one of them at least understands where I am coming from the other is just kind enough to support me what ever I do bless her, and neither of them were friends with H so its not going to get back to him. My biggest problem is my lovely twenty one year old son I dont want him to have to keep secrets from his dad but I cant be mysterious if he spills the beans on what I have been up too, so really dont know how to get round that one.
Forgot to say I am on the border of Oxfordshire which is beautiful countryside, we moved up here ten years ago but H has gone back to where we used to live as firstly he stayed with his brother then got his flat. He hated it when we left and its even more built up and horrible now but apparently according to him its wonderful not having to drive so far now to do things, he has never hated driving all the time Ive known him so I know some of thats not true I just think he is trying to put distance between us so that I cant get to him and change his mind again, well thats how I feel..
Hope you had a good day Nell x
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
