What do I want? The possibility of reconciliation without the expectation. I see our relationship deteriorating farther and farther as she continues to do her thing without respect or regards of others...hence I last for awhile then confront her further deteriorating the relationship. I also want a place to vent to people who KNOW how it feels to be in this situation. My friends are the polar opposite of hers. Mine think she is scum and for the most part worthless. Don't understand why she is doing what she is doing in regards to the children, house, or me. They just don't grasp it at all.
So with my friends, there is no place to vent for the most part. At least not on a daily basis. They really don't want to hear about it because they think I should have thrown her out long. The one person I do talk to (a successful db'er) is in another state, so that daily vent really isn't there. I need a place to vent my frustration so it doesn't buildup and blast out. I think you can all relate to that.
I do love her...but love only goes so far. As far as getting tough...she can't handle a relationship discussion she brings on never mind boundaries. We went to the same therapist for awhile and I discussed boundaries with the therapist. We both agreed that boundaries in my situation are counter productive. My wife is extremely non-confrontational and just withdraws from discussions and shuts down. From there she will respect no-boundaries because she knows there is no-way to enforce them or makes life miserable for all if I try. Example-I have gone 4-5 times on my own since this started (without children). Each time I come home to children doing whatever they want with little or no supervision and her pissed off. It isn't worth it because I have to deal with her attitude and out of control kids. Can try to ignore it, but we live in the same small house and it is hard to ignore though I have tried. Hence her leaving is the best option. It would just be easier if she wasn't here.
My children are D7 and S10 (married 11 years (skipped last anniversary which sucked)). I think they know something is amiss, but don't get what is up. My wife is gone so much that I think they have become accustomed to her not being here. So much that when they leave for school in the mornings they don't even say bye to her. Very rarely will they go to her for anything unless I am not here including even girlie things for my daughter. The latest thing my wife has been doing is not going to the kids beds at night before bed. They will ask and she might give a hug downstairs, but otherwise she will say no and continue to spend time on the computer. Also if you are wondering, they have asked her to stay home and spend time with them instead of going out. Each time she said "no" and the children have stopped asking.
For GAL'ing and 180's, let me hit them before I answer that one; 1)-Got in shape-I have lost close to 80 pounds and am back at my college weight...working on getting more toned at the moment (I am a big guy 6'4" tall about 245 at the moment...lots of muscles) 2) Goes with above, but got to the point were I could run a sub 30 minute 5K 3)Got more involved with kids lives-I now coach my daughters soccer team, take her to dance and I am involved with handling all of that, do the doctor thing, do homework with them, go hiking, picnics, movies, jeep rides, etc 4) Do everything in the house Cooking, cleaning, shopping...not a 180, but definitely a huge change 5)Made new friends-I worked a lot so made few friends down here. Now I have friends with children which is a bonus for me. The one problem is my wife finds them suffocating and doesn't want them around when she is. 6)started my own business 7)Worked less at old job-When this all started I used to regularly work 60-70 hours a week (salary position so no financial benefit). Then told employer that I was only going to work 40-45 hours a week (they weren't happy about that) 8)reconnected with old college and high school friends 9)stopped trying to do things for her-Like get her a sweater if she was cold, etc. Things a husband would do 10)Bought new clothes-New body...new clothes...yippee There is more...but I am excited about my new one if I can afford it. I want to take a hip-hop dance class...lol.
