A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Dia]

Ok, the whipsawing is getting to me. One minute it's wine, toasts and "we can do that in a few years", and the next minute there are comments that indicate this is all very temporary. I know this is normal (so to speak) and I know it indicates turmoil, conflict and that all of that is actually *good* - but it's getting to me.

My gut instinct is to move closer to LRT, and to do some GAL activities that take me out of the house. However, there is certainly a theme in some of the GAL stuff where one is supposed to imply or otherwise invoke the threat that I am dolling up to be attractive to/to find/to see 'someone else'.

How do I handle that in our sitch? As someone who has been unfaithful, I really don't want to put that image back in his head. And with him having a current OW, I suspect it would drive him toward her - "fine, Dia's out looking but I'm ok because I've got OW" - she will feel 'safe' compared to me?

I also know I need to be rock solid through the whipsawing and I'm doing it.

I narrowly avoided an R talk this morning when we were talking about decluttering the guest room. The guest room has a large dining table in it (disassembled) that is supposed to be mine. He mentioned how hard it was going to be to put that room to rights as long as the dining table pieces were there as they take up significant room. Then he mentioned my paintings and artwork which are also in there. He took the paintings down when I left because they reminded him too much of me. I suggested that rehanging some of the paintings would be one way to reduce the volume of stuff in the guest room, but he said no, then talked about the kind of artwork he'd like to have in the house.

Then he mentioned the dining table. We originally traded his aunt a used car of mine for that table, which is why the table is considered mine. I asked if he'd checked to see if his aunt wanted it back, and he asked if I'd be willing to give the table up. I said I'd have to think about it.

Here's the thing - if I'm staying in this house, then yes, I'd be happy to give the table up, esp. if his aunt wants it back. It's a gorgeous piece with an inlaid top, several leaves, ornate chairs, etc. But if I'm moving, I'd like to keep it. Ergo, if I was fully open about the dining table, there would have been an R talk. And I'm not sure there's a way to let his aunt have it 'temporarily' w/o messing up the necessary limbo balance?

Any suggestions on any of that?