Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Thinker]

Journaling:
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Boys and I had a ton of fun last night - catching a gazillion pan-fish and racing around the lake in a bass boat. They keep asking when we can go again.
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Mrs. Thinker and I had a discussion last night in which I affirmed that I would be supportive of a move, but questioned "Why Now?" and told her that I could not see putting the family through the stress of a move while we are both still not sure whether we want to be married to each other.

I also told her that I think she is beautiful and a wonderful person and a great mother (not my exact words, just paraphrasing), but as far as our M goes I spend most of the time just thinking that I am done and that we should both just move on with our lives. I told her that I don't want to go back to the way things were, and that we can't stay in our M like it is. I said my major fear right now is that things won't change.

This was not a fight or an argument, just a calm discussion between us. She told em that she has felt that way for a long time. We have now both openly reached the same place.

She talked about "How did we get here" and how "This is so sad for both of us and for our kids".

She said that she is "really kind of hoping that Retrouvaille will be a major breakthrough for us"

She said that she does not want to go back to our MC because it wasn't helping. I agree. She would be willing to try a different MC. I suggested that we try to find someone specializing in relationships, rather than a general counselor.

She is starting to take some ownership of the R. Rather than try to blame me for everything, she spend a while on "I don't know why I can't open up and talk to you. I just feels so hard for me to do"

It was a calm and sober discussion.

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So the good news is we are talking openly and as equals. I don't really feel like the pursuer any more. 2 months ago it felt like I was dragging her to Retro and she was only going reluctantly. She was convinced "it just can't help". Now she wants to go and is hanging on to it like a life preserver.

We had a pretty good morning this morning.

18 days to Retro.