Wow. That makes sense EB. Basically what I'm trying to do, day by day. It's tricky. It's like I'll be happy with or without H, but I'll keep my DB efforts on track because my goal is reconsiliation. Somedays I need to pull back from him, some I need to take steps closer. Somedays I need to face life without him, somedays I need to imagine being together again. Somedays I need a lot of distance, somedays I need to work on intimacy.
The biggest part of Loving Detachment for me is separating my emotions from his negative ones. When he goes into anger, criticism, negativity, threats, I need to detach big time! Keep myself calm. Keep my hopes alive. Not take the blame for his negativity and doubt, even when he is blaming me. Not going up and down with his emotions. Letting his emotions be his and my emotions be mine. That is a hard lesson that is very valuable. As you know he can be unreasonably critical and angry of me and occasionally S so that is when detachment is the hardest and most crucial. To say, "That is your opinion, but I know I am ok."
How do you guys/gals work on loving detachment in your R's?
