It took me almost a year and a half to get to the point when I said I could not forgive. You are lucky I guess. I think the affair portion is very difficult to deal with because sometimes just love is not enough. The trust is breached, the honesty gone. Although I do think marriages can recover, it takes two very strong people: one to suck up and make amends in ways that are very diffult, and another to be willing to risk the chance of being heart broken again.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I agree and that's where are reconcilliation problem will be - my W is not one to admit she is wrong and suck up, regardless of what she has done. I have a huge problem with that. Thanks.
Trust me I know the feeling. My stbx not only will not admit when he is wrong, but is stubborn, hard headed, and has convinced himself this is the best thing. Of course, almost two years later, I am tending to agree with him.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Trust me I know the feeling. My stbx not only will not admit when he is wrong, but is stubborn, hard headed, and has convinced himself this is the best thing. Of course, almost two years later, I am tending to agree with him.
Yes, as time has gone by, I have found myself starting to look forward to the split that my W wants and that I have fought so hard against. The thought of not living with a negative person who clearly doesn't respect me as a person, much less a spouse, has a very appealing feel to it.
On another note, I have a delimna that is building. I have been adamant through this process that if anyone moves out it will be the W. She violated the marriage afterall. This means that our two girls would still live with me, but obviously spend time with her as much as possible up to 50% of the time. We have not yet sat down together and talked with the girls yet. Recently, within the last 2 months, our oldest D who is 12 has suddenly fell head over heels in love with my W. It concerns me how she is going to take it when her mom moves out of the house. I also find myself getting a bit jealous about this. I know this is wrong to feel that way, but part of me is screaming inside, "I am not the one who has torn this family apart, I am the one who has bent over backwards trying to save it to no avail, yet I am the one who feels on the outside looking in." It has gotten to the point where I have even thought that maybe it would be better if I moved out instead.
Have you and your W discussed what is going to happen in terms of living arrangements just between yourselves, and if so, what was the decision?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
We've discussed it briefly. I want a structured schedule so that there are fewer misunderstandings for both us and the girls as to when and where they will be. She on the otherhand prefers a "flexible" schedule during the week and a structured schedule on the weekends. We have not even begun to talk about holidays yet. The schedule obviously needs to be ironed out soon and talk with the girls as well. Sigh.
Speaking from experience, the only way these kids are going to come through this unscathed is by having a structured schedule all the time. Too much back and forth on an inconsistent basis between parents is very confusing to any child, regardless of age.
As I am sure you have realized, the kids will have to be put first. So if it is in their best interest to stay with you in the house during the week, then you have to make that choice.
I have a paper I wrote for school on divorce and kids, based off of several different articles, and the general opinion is that divorce initially is very difficult on children, but it idepends on how the parents handle it that will determine the transition.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I agree with you 100%. My W seems to think that the separation/divorce will not be that "big of deal" for our girls. I disagree, but at the same time I am not interested in just staying together because of the kids. It will be tough for them, but how we co-parent will make a huge difference in how well they do.
I work from home so I am here to get them off to school and when they come home, so that is a huge plus. The apartment that my W will be moving into is only 3 miles away so that is good as well. She loves the girls every bit as much as I do and they love her. I would never think of keeping them from her, but I want a defined schedule so that we are all on the same page.
I agree. You need to have the scheduling set in stone. But also realize that sometimes things do come up, and as long as it is not an every day occurrence, try to reschedule the time spent if you can. Now, this is not to say that this should be done every week, or every month. But if there is a legitimate reason, it is better to work with the other parent.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Absolutely, things do come up and adjustments will need to be made. In fact, knowing me, my problem will be that I will be too flexible and accommodating allowing her to change the schedule to suit her life at the expense of mine.
