You hear a lot about "getting a life" on these boards. The basic idea is you find yourself again, take care of yourself, be the best person possible, and perhaps, your spouse will notice and come back. Unfotunately, when your marriage is at stake, our spouses can tell the gatting a life activities are really just to win them back.
Turn this thing around by using what has worked on you.
Your spouse is having an affair with the OM, dropped the bomb, told you ILYBINILWY and all that other WAS script.
What happened, your world came crashing down (admit it), felt lonely, depressed, very little value, lethargic, hurt, etc.
This all happened because she generated a fear of loss with you. She took control of the relationship and kicked you to the curb and you could do nothing about it.
That is why detaching, getting a life and yes... DATING are so powerful. It shows you're moving on, it shows you no longer allow their actions to control your life, it shows that your not a pea brain, that you see that there are plenty of other people in this world to have a relationship with, it shows you have value, you have good self-esteem, it shows you have confidence and self-respect and that you won't let them dictate the course of your life. When you date, start to wear new clothes, go to the gym, take care of yourself, start to have the joy of life back in you again, they 2nd guess themselves - this isn't the person I left, what's wrong with this picture? They should be home, cowering in a corner, an emotional mess but they aren't. They're dating again, but what about me, how can they get over me so quickly - maybe I was wrong about them? Now my affair is over and I don't have my backup plan anymore because I knew that he wasn't good enough to get anyone else and he would always be there waiting for me because I controlled this situation but now i'm not in control anymore and I don't have a backup plan and now I don't have my other person or my spouse anymore, I don't have anything..... OMG what have I done?!
Generating a fear of loss is the way to wake up the WAS that is having an affair.
