Thanks H, I appreciate the support. Well he's gone "dark" on me, I have not heard a word since our talk last Sun. until an email today (sent last night). More on that in a minute.
He got a new job & started last week so that may be partly why no msgs., and he may have been unhappy at my lack of cooperation. It's weird to realize this but I actually had a much better week without him contacting me. In thinking about that, I am realizing why I get so unnerved when he emails/calls/texts me. I don't trust him. I know its' going to be bad news about the M. I get such a sick feeling when he emails me "let's talk". It is taking me a very long time to process that I no longer trust him. It's unbelievable. He was my best friend. (I thought). He's been moved out since Mar. 30 and I still can't believe what's he's done sometimes.
Last Sunday, he was hopeing we'd start discussing how to split stuff up. He was not wearing his ring. I guess that's not surprising but that was the 1st time I noticed it and can't believe how hard it hit me. He also dropped little gems like "I can't believe you were happy", "there's nothing but junk in the house". Well there is junk in the house but there's also all the stuff we got together, some of it nice. I know I should not take the things he says to heart but it really got to me. I don't feel that much hope the way he's been going after this. I am trying to face my fears about an A. I think there may be something going on with a female friend, a person he used to work with. I find out that the lawyer he's been talking to is her sister!! He talked to her at a party this friend was having. It's all just too weird. I guess the bottom line is he seems so sure that he wants a D. There is no uncertainty or confusion that other people see in their WAS. I am trying to do more GAL, which I can tell you does help. I don't know if it will help M though, as H had not contacted me all last week & even when he was harranguing me before that didn't seem to care. I know that's not the point though. It truly helps divert my mind from constantly thinking about M. I'm trying to hang in, but having a tough time.
So, today I get an email he sent last night (was expecting to hear something soon):
"She said that if what you wanted to do was to have the attorneys talk to each other rather than you and I figure out the house, dogs, etc...she was fine with that but she reiterated that the more we can work out ourselves, the better. She also recommended that we start with a separation agreement. We can figure out kind of in broad strokes who wants the house, how we divide up the stuff in it and what we want to do with the dogs. We can put it in a separation agreement that she will draft up and you can show to your attorney. Nothing is cast in stone and we can change the things in it at anytime as long as we both agree on them.
I guess the main things to think about are the house and dogs. Like I said, we can put the broad stuff in the separation agreement and then make any changes we need to. Please let me know what your thoughts are."
He knows what my thoughts are. My head is spinning & I have done nothing at work today but close my door & cry. And do this post! Would it do any good to press him about A? Does it matter if do find out? He is being so calm & methodical about this (that is his normal personality) not meaner like he was acting before. I'm wondering about whether it's time to open a separate checking acct. (ALL of our finances are still together). I don't think he'd do anything crazy but then again I feel like i'm dealing w a stranger. I read something Karen43 wrote on I think Bills thread about how she didn't do this because she thought H would never take $$ but he did. I am sad & deflated.
H, thanks for checking in. Your positive thoughts helped, at least I had a nice weekend! Thanks for your support. I'll try & check in on your thread later. Please take care & stay strong! LFA
