There is really no explanation for an individual who does the things your husband (or some of the other spouses around here) has done.
It simply is who they are.
We didn't know that of course. I honestly believe that we never saw the weakness of character that would one day lead to the betrayals they send our way. Love enthralls us anyway, and those in love do their best to show their loveliest sides. I think this is why their affairs so often eventually die.
I disagree that your husband had the more passionate relationship with his OW. Your writing here shows a woman with TRUE passion for the things in her life, especially her man and her children. Lust does not equal passion. Sex can always be had - lovemaking requires more.
I'm reminded of the scene at the end of one of the Indiana Jones movies, where they are in search of the Holy Grail. The evil archaeologist arrives in the cave where the grail resides first and chooses the most ostentatious cup he finds there.
He drinks. Then dies.
The knight protecting the grail says...
"He chose poorly..."
These spouses, and your husband in particular, chose poorly. Some, perhaps those with this flaw inside that your husband seems to possess, will always be fascinated with the new and exciting, maybe even the forbidden. Normal, committed life will hold them only so long, then the desire for something different will rear its ugly head.
Take solace in the fact that you are at least now finding out the truth. Rejoice that your husband was not so skilled in his manipulation that he could convince you to fully reunite, only to lead you down this same road again in years, when your children and you are older.
There is great life left to be lived. Your children are young and have a mother who holds great love for them. They have relatives who also will guard their hearts. Your children will grow up strong and well with so much love around them.
As for you, you know all to well that there is great love still out there in the world. You, of all people, have no excuse to wallow in the mire and see these events as "the end." I, and many others here, know that you will rise far above the sadness and betrayal to reach heights you never would have been able to reach with a man such as your husband at your side.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
