I posted last week about my situation (married 26 years and wife gave me the "I love you but I'm not 'in love' with you" speech about a month ago.
Anyway....she finally confessed that she's been having an affair with a mutual close friend of both of ours. He's also married. I suspected this but did not realize how long it has been going on. They started (as usual) as "friends" talking about 4 years ago. About 2 1/2 years ago things got out of line and she now says she's been "in love" with him for some time. She admitted that they have had sex several times and she would not do that unless she was in love with him.
The "good news" is that she is totally broken up about it and is truly sorry for what she has done to us and our family.
Also...the OM told his wife about the affair several weeks ago because (so he says to my wife) he wanted to end his marriage and take things with my wife to another level. HIS wife was devastated and convinced him to try to work things out. He's broken off the affair but is trying to have his cake and eat it too. He tells my wife he needs to go back to his but he's still in love with her too. My wife says that since she's still in love with him she can't break the emotional ties and that is keeping her from working on "us" again.
I believe she really wants to work things out but she says she can't "turn off the switch" and stop loving the OM. Right now she's not sure she can ever get over him.
I believe that she will in due time but can't deal with the hurt and pain that this is causing.
I really want to work this out and understand that it will take lots of time. Since my son is has 2 more years of school, I'm willing to give it 2 years (unless the OM changes his mind and returns....in this case if things don't change fast I believe she would leave me for him).
I'm trying to be the "good guy" and be my wife's friend. I'm trying to be "understanding" and give her the space and time she needs. It's hard but I believe it's the only way I'm ever going to win her back.
I'm looking for any advise on this and especially how to deal with the intense pain.
