Originally Posted By: hhh
Thanks so much RSF for your/male perspective. I try to see his side and the 'fog' he is in. He feels very entitled right now. Did you ever push for/bring up D with your wife? The weird thing is H has just walked out but does not seem like he's pursuing D...it's like he may be waiting for me to or something, I have no idea.


Well, you really don't know what he's thinking, if he's thinking anything at all. My wife and I agreed when I left that we'd go forward with a disillusion. That we were agreeable and we both always put kids first so it would be no problem. Neither of us pursued it any further for the next 10+ months. I realize in hindsight that I never really wanted it. I have no idea why she didn't pursue it. When I asked her to save our marriage she was caught off guard, OM put pressure on her to D me. Right now, she has agreed not to pursue it if I stop hassling her about seeing OM. Obviously only a temporary solution.

Originally Posted By: hhh
The other thing I've been thinking about, is 'try something different' i've been very easy/acquising w him, then telling him i was committed/asking for retrouvaille.. and part of me is contemplating a different tactic, that of actually standing up to him..


About the time I had realized i wanted to approach my wife about getting back together I learned from my kids that there was OM. It happened really fast by W's account and certainly mine. I went into full-time anxiety attack, lost 20 pounds, begged, cried you name it. A real threat of losing her put the fear of god in me in a way nothing had before. Before that I was taking my own sweet time. She tried every kind tactic in the world. I didn't/couldn't hear any of it. So two planets aligned 1) I was mentally and emotionally ready and 2) The real fear of losing her presented itself.


AKA: "Ben the school teacher"
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Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20
Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08
My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09
W w/OM 6/09-11/09

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