Of course not. But I I have been hiding behind him and have so much creativity and energy unexpressed. It is only now that I am realizing how much I have suppressed in deflecting all attention onto H.
It is not just about money, it is about me being vibrant and alive, which I wasn't.
@polly -- hate to break it to you, but every man here is not your husband.
@alive -- the "ONE TIME" she's referring to in that email is the time I related in the story -- the "ugh, this is boring" time. Her POV is that it's unfair of me (to her) to have taken "ugh, this is boring" personally. I'm not sure how that came up -- we're in the midst (even now, at 4:50 a.m.) of one of our 100-iteration back-and-forth, cut-and-paste e-mail arguments. You'd see some doozies if I pasted hers in -- you'd be amazed at what she hears me say when I think I'm saying something totally different.
@kettricken -- "deleted for being overly obnoxious" --
@alive -- this is all regurgitated from Threads 1 and 2, but every time -- every time, mind you, not a hyperbolic "every time" but every time, I suggested I get a "straight job," and give up my current cobbled-together, higgeldy-piggeldy, fame-but-no-fortune generating job (btw, let me giggle with you in the alt about how I'm suddenly Joe Hollywood -- Monsoor Watch Out, Smiley's Person in the hiz-zay!), I was told -- explicitly and in no uncertain terms by WAW -- "no, don't do that, we need your flexibility because if you work 9 to 5 then I can't and I don't want that, plus your health insurance is much better and much cheaper than mine -- and both of those give us value that doesn't get counted in earnings."
-- we're in the midst (even now, at 4:50 a.m.) of one of our 100-iteration back-and-forth, cut-and-paste e-mail arguments. You'd see some doozies if I pasted hers in -- you'd be amazed at what she hears me say when I think I'm saying something totally different.
And what you hear.
How's that e-mail argument working for you? Fighting a emotional battle with logic. Both of you dying to be right and both of you getting more frustrated. BTDT, there is another way. Is the goal to still win the war? "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." - Ghandi
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
SP - I may be behind the discussion about 22 topics, but I see your W providing input on how you SHOULDN'T better your career, as it would impact hers too much... Is this the SAME W bellyachin' and announcing to the world that you want to be aided in support forever???
Wow.
PS - I'd die to be bored!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
we're in the midst (even now, at 4:50 a.m.) of one of our 100-iteration back-and-forth, cut-and-paste e-mail arguments.
I am surprised that you are participating at this point. I see this as a major boundary issue (in the same vein as my H's communication).
I just last night clarified after receiving baiting email, basically..."I think we've pretty much covered everything regarding our relationship" and that I am not who I was 9 months ago and that I am in the present and I have made peace with myself and our relationship.
His answer, "right"...
The long email arguments don't fit with the detached and moving on SP...they are hurtful and indulgent. You guys have MC for such conversations...just my 2 cents.
"When inverted thinking stops, the affirming mind naturally accords." (from Precious Mirror Samadhi)
Coaches thing there about both of you "dying to win the war" really hits the mark. Who is running "racetracks in the sky"? One or both of you? Why?
End the Cold War.
Last edited by orangedog; 08/31/0906:51 PM.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
The long email arguments don't fit with the detached and moving on SP...they are hurtful and indulgent. You guys have MC for such conversations
@Coach -
Quote:
How's that e-mail argument working for you?
Spectacularly well, and thank you for asking!
It's been going on non-stop, alllllllll-dam-day! Coming back from my interview for part-time work at Enemy University, on the Freeway, stuck in traffic, fat-fingering that iPhone like a mo-fo! At the optometrist! At the bookstore! At the sandwich shop! At the red light! Point/counterpoint, attack/counter-attack, blast/counter-blast, first-strike/second-strike/ bouncing the rubble!
And....breakthrough. WAW got bested, you see, when she accused me of something and I wrote back
Quote:
Pot (to Kettle): "You're black!"
And she threw a hissy snippy b*tchy fit and declared she wasn't going to stay at my effin' house while I'm on my effin' business trip this effin' week and have to take care of my effin' dog and the dog could die for all she effin' cared and it'll be my effin' fault and anyway don't I effin' have somebody to f**k and why don't I effin' go f**k her and leave WAW Herself the f**k alone, and she called "game over, I quit, I'm taking my football and going home!"
And with nary a moment's warning Smiley's Person released the hounds and deployed the MIRVs and called her out on that by wielding aMarital Codewordthat hasn't been wielded in years and told her there wasn't a snowball's chance in hell that was going to happen because she gave as good as she got and what's up with the being vulnerable Miss I'm Not Vulnerable and I guess I shouldn't be surprised that she's going to run away from a fight because running away is what she does, and for F**K'S SAKE why doesn't she finally, finally, finally do the thing I've been begging her to do since D-bomb + 30 days: To stop being noble and stop pretending she's not hurt and not vulnerable and that everything's o-kizay and hunky-dory and right-as-rain and Just...Let....It....All...Out!
And, brother, did she. And it was freakin' beautiful. She channeled her inner General Patton -- she waded into me, spilled my blood, shot me in the belly! She didn't just murder me, she used my steaming guts to grease the treads of her tanks.
We heard it allll, sports fans! The Nittyand the Gritty. Being a True and Almost Certainly Fact-filled Accounting of the past 12 months, from first inklings of sufficient marital discord to prompt longing thoughts of "Total Freedom" through divorce to first ticklings of Neglected Lady-Parts at the advances of Signore to the Big A itself to the breakup of same, to the stories she's told to make herself sound Grand -- and, of course, Around The World In 80 Smiley's Person's Failures, Failings, Hurts, and Deceits.
Now. Finally. The brush has been cleared. We can move forward, in whatever direction "forward" takes us, with everything out in the open.
And thank the frickin' gods for that.
@mindfull -
Quote:
I see your W providing input on how you SHOULDN'T better your career, as it would impact hers too much... Is this the SAME W bellyachin' and announcing to the world that you want to be aided in support forever???
