Stronger, Mtn, Red Sox !),
Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Y'know, I had been feeling much better past few weeks focusing on GAL, spending time w friends, tending to my appearance and exercising, busy w work, going to church a lot, reading. I was feeling better and more confident. GAL is great and it helps...as does focusing on yourself...but then you get to a time where you want to share that with someone else...I mean I have tried to be good to myself and make ME a better person, but it feels good to give love to another, and i want to share myself with someone (preferably H)..maybe i'm just feeling a little sad and lonely right now for that kind of companionship (not just any man, but H) even though I have many wonderful friends. I feel better when I am loving towards others, which is why sending H a kind email seems attractive option at times (like it makes me feel better to be good to him), but know he might see that as pursuing.

Thanks so much RSF for your/male perspective. I try to see his side and the 'fog' he is in. He feels very entitled right now. Did you ever push for/bring up D with your wife? The weird thing is H has just walked out but does not seem like he's pursuing D...it's like he may be waiting for me to or something, I have no idea.

The other thing I've been thinking about, is 'try something different' i've been very easy/acquising w him, then telling him i was committed/asking for retrouvaille.. and part of me is contemplating a different tactic, that of actually standing up to him.. just something I'm chewing on for now. it'll take me awhile to do it, and part of me wants to let go and see where cards fall, other part wants to stand up and say, yes you know how I feel, let's either TALK/deal w this or I will in fact move on (not totally there yet, but in my head monologue i was last night).

I am having dinner w girlfriend tonite, then I go back to CA on Weds to be with family and a friends wedding this weekend...I will be around a lot of old friends this weekend, and will have fun..i always do w them.

The 2 retrov. sessions I was looking at are sept 11 (boston) and 18 (hartford) and timing is making me nervous b.c it's only chance we have now...but if he's not really engaging me at all it seems silly to press for this now.

Will focus on myself and friends more this week, will try..
Thanks friends, thank you from botton of my heart!
-hhh