Yesterday was his birthday... I do have a generic b-day card for him but not going out of my way to get it to him... If I see him then he can have it... He spoke to his Mom for the second time in about 3 months yesterday... She said he sounded neither "here nor there"... The anger has finally started to enter the picture... I am trying to decide if I want to continue to be the "fallback" (because that is how I see myself)... I know he isn't happy, he knows he isn't happy yet he stays over there instead of being man enough to come home so we can work on this together... To be honest there are days I could care less if he comes home or not... Then there are other days where I feel like I can't breathe without him (I am glad those are few and far in-between)... I pray and I GAL and I do 180's and it just doesn't seem to be making a dent in the situation... Maybe that is because I can't "see" any changes in him except for there are more "I love yous'" and more affection when I see him then before yet he still goes back to his place... Getting to where I am not sure what to believe anymore when he opens his mouth... This ride is making me sick and I desperately want to get off the roller coaster... I know by speaking to my Pastor and MIL that this is in Gods' hands - His time - His will and I need to completely step out so He can take over - Very hard thing to for me to do for some reason but I try each and everyday to not pick up the mess and leave it with Him... I need to learn more patience
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
