WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

When do you plan to actually "talk" to her?

Stuck,

The problem is - what's there to talk about? Then again, that has always been the problem.

I don't want to be where we are at. I'm not sure how I feel about her any more. I know I don't trust her as she has violated our commitment to each other, not just with one person, but with multiples. When I see her, I don't recognize her as the woman I married. I don't even like the person she is.

Funny - that is what she had said to me over the past several months. I never understood how she could feel that way and have been trying to regain her trust and rebuild the "attraction/feelings". I thought we were making progress until I uncovered the truth. Even as we were "dating", she was actively pursuing others.

So do I tell her that I feel that she ripped my soul from me and crushed my heart? I know I can't do it without breaking down and crying and that is not a satisfaction that I will give her. I have cried enough in front of her.

So I go back to it, what is left to say beyond what I want to send to her in the email I posted?

I do know that I had loved her like I had never thought I could love someone. I know I wasn't the perfect husband, but I did love, honor and cherish her the best that I knew how. I had never violated our vows. She has broken her promise. I know she felt the same, as she felt that I broke my promise as I did not love, honor and cherish her.

I accept that mistake on my part. That does not excuse nor justify what she did when she started cheating nor the torture she put me through.

How do I look into the eyes that I used stare into or kiss the lips, knowing all that she has done.

Then again, she hasn't made any move to show any remorse or ask for forgiveness.

So perhaps we are in a stalemate. Or perhaps we are both heading down the path we have to. Or I'm afraid to make the wrong decision so I'm doing nothing.

I don't know. All my friends, family and therapist is pushing me to just move on (FIDO). Especially since she hasn't made any move other wise.

Stronger did suggest that she hasn't made any move otherwise as I haven't created an enviornment that she would feel safe to do otherwise.

I just don't know. Seems like I haven't known for sometime now.....