Looking For Help

[Looking_For_Help]

Hey GIMA,

Did your W also take down all of your photos? My W never does anything without reason. Tomorrow may be the day that I finally go see an attorney.

Thanks for your support GIMA. It's going to become a heck of alot harder going forward before it gets better.

-LFH

[givingitmyall]

Did your W also take down all of your photos?

Yep. All wedding pic's and any pic's of me. All we have up now are pic's of the kids or her and the kids. Like I was never part of the picture (no pun intended).

It's going to become a heck of alot harder going forward before it gets better.

I think you're right. But, no matter what she eventually decides, I think your statement would hold true. Our W's are in such a fog and are so confused that trying to keep up with them would be just too much. Again, why detachment is so important.

It really sounds like you are getting the detachment thing.

The way I see it, if the worst happens, I'm still young, getting physically fitter by the day/workout, and I would be a great catch for some lucky woman. It's not my first choice, but it could be fun and could lead to happiness I have not know before. And, he!!, I'll get to play a lot of golf and get in a lot of fishing between those two chapters of my life (and afterwards).

[Looking_For_Help]

Thanks GIMA for your words of encouragement. It's one thing to file for divorce, but it's a totally different ballgame when it comes to signing those darn documents. Right now my W is flowing with alot of confidence in her decision. In time, that wave of confidence will subside and a "second-guessing" wave will form.

I agree that my detachment exercises need to get stronger. I also find comfort in your statment about finding a new type of happiness I've never experienced. It's all about hope.

Thanks again,
LFH

[Sara]

Cleaning to sell a house involves getting rid of a lot of stuff. Such as cleaning out closets and painting rooms. Simple weekly type cleaning is not the same thing. And she can't list the house without your signature, unless the house is just in her name. Sounds like she is getting ready for the new school year or just burning up some energy. Taking down pictures of you isn't nice. I can see where you would be insulted about that. I would ask her for the photos so you can put them up in your office.

[Looking_For_Help]

Thanks Sara for your reply. I agree that she can't sell the house without my signature...I'm not worried about that. It just feels like she's taking things to a new upper level and I'm uncomfortable with that.

Do you believe I should ask her about Retrouvaille again..to see if she's still committed? I'm still waiting for our registration (the counselors still haven't called me back yet for the Oct 16 retreat). I know that the counselors will call both me and my W for confirmation. I figured that's when I'd get my W's final answer. I don't want to pursue.

Thanks Sara,
LFH

[BigJohn]

Did your W also take down all of your photos?

[quote]Yep. All wedding pic's and any pic's of me. All we have up now are pic's of the kids or her and the kids. Like I was never part of the picture (no pun intended).

GIMA/LFH,

My W did the same thing over at our house. My response was to hang the pictures back up. And when we go out as a family she only takes pics of the kids- she goes out of her way to make sure she does not take any pics with me in them. If I want pics with my kids, it's up to me to grab the camera and take them myself.

But my W's meanness doesn't end there. She un-friended me on Facebook the other day. I can't tell you how broken up I am over that. I hate that f'ing Facebook! That's how my W's OM found her. I wish some hacker would just blow that site to hell once and for all.

[Sara]

Do you believe I should ask her about Retrouvaille again..to see if she's still committed? I'm still waiting for our registration (the counselors still haven't called me back yet for the Oct 16 retreat). I know that the counselors will call both me and my W for confirmation. I figured that's when I'd get my W's final answer. I don't want to pursue.

No need to ask again. They will call and ask to speak to both of you. You will have your answer. But they usually do it fairly close to the beginning of the weekend.

[Looking_For_Help]

Thanks Sara,

Last night was a rough one. The picture thing really got to me...gotta let it go. I'm feeling better this morning. The W was actually talkative after returning from the gym. That's where she does all of her "thinking".

She actually thanked me for planting all of the marigolds yesterday...she never thanks me for anything. She said they added alot of color to the outside of the house. Another thing I still notice, she is still carrying around the "5 Love Languages" book I gave her to read 4 weeks ago. I have asked for it back a few times, but she's still holding on...interesting...it's kept in her work computer bag and it goes everywhere with her...just my little sign of hope.

The W is working late tonight, so I'm thinking about taking the kids to Chucky Cheese for dinner and fun. It's my way of detaching from the situation. Again, I'm being patient with my situation for the sake of my kids. However, I am fighting the urge to see an attorney and end my pain, but I keep resisting for the kids sake. Lord give me the strength.

Thanks,
LFH

[givingitmyall]

so I'm thinking about taking the kids to Chucky Cheese for dinner and fun. It's my way of detaching from the situation

This is good. For me, this was a great way to help me along in detaching.

However, I am fighting the urge to see an attorney and end my pain, but I keep resisting for the kids sake.

Nothing wrong with going to see an attorney. That does not mean you have to file for D.

[sandi2]

I'm probaby going to shock some with what I am going to say, and this is simply talking in the wind.
But, I guess I'm too impulsive or if it were me...I would get really, really mad! I KNOW I would have a fit over the picture thing. That is uncalled for and I would get up in her face and let it be known that that is "my" house as much as it is hers and that there WOULD be pictures of the entire family on the walls. Some women have to be treated like children....when they are acting as badly as kids can act. That is terrible! I know you are trying not to rock the boat, but man....that would about be my undoing! I don't think any man should have to stand for that type of action in his own home. Talk about disrespect!

I think the other problem I would have would be tempted to beat her to filing for a D and having her served before she could serve me. My reasoning behind that is kind of along the same lines as I told Big John. If she thought that you wanted to get rid of her b/c you were ready to be "single" again, that might have an awakening effect on her....but I don't know. The only thing I think you would really risk is whether or not you would be going to the retreat. You said you felt you may have to seek a lawyer tomorrow and I'm thinking if you can read her actions that well....why not beat her to the punch and shock the reality into her. Even if she doesn't stop the D right away, I have read where that was the move from the LBH that got the attention of the WAW--and she would finally wake up. But it is your life and your move and don't do it b/c I suggested anything......I'm just throwing out ideas. It just seems that hoping she would see what she would be missing if she went through with a D....isn't working.

I'll have to say that you have had a great attitude and seem to be ready to take whatever comes. I just hate to see you having to sit there "waiting" for whatever comes. It just seems to be giving her all the "say so" in the stitch. But, maybe that is just me. I still believe women want the man she thinks she can't have and if she has any love for him left at all....she will want him if she thinks he doesn't want her. That goes back to DBing 101....be unavailable! Why do you think that is? B/c we want what we think we can't have. If she suddenly found out she couldn't have you b/c you wanted to be signle again, how would she feel?