After 30 Years!

[Eskimo Nell]

it is killing me to have such little contact with him when we have spoken every day for nearly thirty years, and I just cant believe he isnt missing me

Takes some believing, eh? I'm sure that all of us here can echo those words.

I just cant believe he isnt missing me, but he has successfully built a brick wall to hide behind and when I see him I feel like I have chipped a brick off only for him to have successfully relaid it by the next time!

DO NOT ML with your H any more! You are rewarding his bad behaviour and I know that it must be so tempting for you not to break this habit (we will do anything when we are lonesome) but do you really want to ML to a man who is behaving so badly toward you?? He may have 'man needs' but what about your 'wife needs' - like "bring back my husband and take the alien away?"!! Making you the cause of his unhappiness is again classic MLC - be reassured of that. This all sounds like it is a reactionary situation to his heart attack and he is now re-evaluating his life, after the threat of losing it. You are going to need to sit this out and be VERY patient.

So glad that you have that lovely horse to go out and keep you company! They take up so much time with all the husbandry, which will be its own Godsend right now - where do you live Rabbit ... which countryside are you dashing around? Make sure that you keep at it and, whilst it's very tempting to be in bed all afternoon surfing the net, it is much better to be out getting fresh air and working a 'to do' list.

I know that it's easier said than done and it has taken me until about two weeks ago to practise what I am now preaching - go look at my thread if you doubt what I say! I was a wreck when I first got here but my 'buddies' on this forum made me see sense and now I set myself little goals and challenges, which I publish so that I have to be able to say that "yes, I did that!" ... first one was not to go to bed until at least 4pm ... then hourly until I can mostly make it until around 7.30pm these days - it's a good day if I make it until 8pm!! You will get there too. Right now, there just doesn't seem a lot to stay up for, does there?

Now, are you seeing a counsellor and have you been for any legal advice? No, I didn't want to do either, just as you are probably thinking, if not saying! It feels that, especially to see the legal profession, you are admitting defeat. Quite the contrary. Look for you local services and find out who offers a 'free' or 'means tested' service and go ask the one crucial thing that is one your mind - just the one. It will be one less burden.

For me, that was "can my husband make me leave the home and force it's sale" - having the answer to that saved me a years worth of worrying. No, in our state, he can not - certainly not overnight in any case. You will come back with knowledge and knowledge is power. Having sample documentation proves that you have been too - my H didn't like that one little bit and he has backed off somewhat since I got such. Kind of shifts the locus of control ... if only slightly. Make that one of your goals for as soon as you think that you can manage it - try thinking about it and making an appointment for two weeks hence ... you CAN do this - it's like going to the dentist or the optometrist - that's all! Just feels weird because H won't know about it or be with you - but we will be. You have not to do anything with the information but gathering knowledge right now may give you something to do in the first instance and help you when you need it suddenly, as a bonus. I hated that people told me this but honestly, it does feel better.

OK - have to dash. Catch you later. What is your challenge (for YOU) today??