People dont leave people they love because the wont bring home the big bucks.
Oh for feck's sake. This is why, every time she Tells The Story (by her own admission), Mrs. SP says, "I hate to Tell The Story because my reasons always sound so trivial."
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1. Not there emotionally for her or support her.
So for all we know she told you a milion times how she liked sex, and you just did not suport her or understand her because you were not there emotionally nor listening. I doubt not being there for her mum dying was the one and only time she felt abandoned or not listened to.
No, she never told me A SINGLE TIME how she liked sex -- in fact, she and I are having this debate online even as we speak. Here's her most recent e-mail on the subject:
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I think your bedroom comment is unfair...The ONE TIME I expressed those wants and desires to you....
I didn't listen to her. I did the usual ADD thing of listening without "hearing" -- that's true. And she absolutely felt abandoned, by Item #3.
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2. Would not take high paying job.
So you left the responsibility of providing for the family on her shoulders?
See this is why you have to go back to the originals. Mrs. SP, 10 years ago: "I think it's great that you got this offer. Now we'll have the flexibility with the kids so we won't have to have a nanny."
Mrs. SP, 5 years ago: "I so hate my job, but I so love my job. But there's no way I could do it without your flexibility."
Mrs. SP, 9 months ago: "Why couldn't you work like I do?"
So you make sense of it.
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3.Slept in the office so she would not be disturbed Did you discuss this decision or were you just being thoughtful ( unemotional and unsupportive ) . She worked all day, maybe she wanted company in the bed at night. Even in sleep you feel your partner beside you. And this was a job that paid less than you were worth.
Again, for the nth time, yes I asked about it, and no she said she understood, and by the time she'd changed her mind and didn't like it she also did like it because she liked having the space to herself. And when we did sleep in the same bed, which we did, I would snuggle up next to her while she read -- she always pointed out, "Now you understand I'm going to read" -- and then she'd get irritated that I was snuggled up and would say something to the effect of, "Gaak, it's so hot -- move over."
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And then she was unresponsive when you did decide to come to bed. How dare she find Signore...after all that you were doing for her.
The date night was her idea. The planning was her idea. The nights that we would do it were her idea. If I initiated, it was either (a) too late (pre-9:00 p.m., please), (b) wrong time of month, (c) too hot, (d) too cold, or she was (e) too sore from the gym, (f) too tired, or (g) too into the book. "But tomorrow, for sure."
It's not like I came creeping into the sack, Nosferatu-like, and tried to seduce her. But you'd know that, polly, if you spent more time paying attention to people's sitchs and less time projecting yourself and yours into them.
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Maybe next R you could work a job that enabled you to share all the good things in your life and that includes being in the marriage bed
Sure, maybe I could. Maybe I could give up 10 years of graduate education and stop writing books and stop giving professional talks and stop being invited by foreign governments to address their staffs and start delivering milk or flowers. Or maybe, just maybe, I could have a "next R" with a woman who means it when she says, "I think it's great how your job gives us such flexibility."
But you're probably right. I should probably give everything up. After all, who needs an identity when he's got a potential Walkaway Wife, eh?
