Looking For Help

[Looking_For_Help]

The W spent the whole day with the kids today. Nevertheless, I still had a nice day. I went golfing this morning with my buddies. I then washed and waxed my car followed by repairing laundry room lighting. Finally, I planted approximately 100 yellow and orange marigolds in the front yard for the fall bloom.

The W brought the kids home around 4:30 p.m. and shot out like a rocket to the grocery store. She prepared a nice dinner for all of us and then volunteered to go back to the grocery store for things I needed (as well as things she forgot for the kids). If I didn't know any better, I would think she had a rough day with the kids. She doesn't have the same patience I have with the kids and wanted to get out. Later into the evening, my W got on another cleaning kick. She spent alot of her time cleaning the house this weekend, which is odd b/c we have a biweekly maid service. Again, I don't know how to read this odd behavior. Either she's in a nesting mode or she's getting the house ready for a sale. I'd like a woman's opinion here on this one if anyone is reading.

While at the golf course today, one of my friends simply asked why I didn't go out and file for a divorce myself. He said that "he would never stay with a woman who didn't want to be with him...period...life's too short and there's too many fish in the sea to be this unhappy." My reply was "in due time...I'm doing this for my young kids...if there were no kids it would be a different story." I love my kids and don't want to see them hurt. I keep reminding myself this factoid as I "patiently" wait for Retrouvaille to arrive.

-LFH

[sandi2]

Well, it does sound as if she is getting ready for something. Preparing the house to sale sounds logical of why she would be cleaning so much. She is doing things that probably are not in the maid's routine? Like you said, there is nothing you can do about this except what you are doing now. It kind of sounds to me as if she is mentally separating from you and that is why she makes a point to stay away from you as much as possible. Not sure about her making the extra nice dinner unless she sees it is countdown time. I hope she won't refuse to go to the retreat, but you are being realistic about things and she may change her mind. You are doing such a great job. I still hope & pray that she will have a chage of heart.

[Looking_For_Help]

Thank you for your reply Sandi. My mom said the same thing about my efforts as well. She's also praying for a change of heart. Even my FIL thinks my W is nuts about this divorce thing. At the end of the day, if my W doesn't want me...so be it. I'll be fine and I WILL find someone who I can share the rest of my life. My W will regret her decision in time, but it will be too late by then. I'm still relatively young at 38 and have so much to offer.

I'm currently following Sara's and your advice about being careful not to make the situation worse prior to Retrouvaille. I still believe my W is in a confused state of mind. I just hope she stays committed to attending Retrouvaille even though she doesn't seem to want to go.

God gives us exceedingly abundantly more than we can ever need.

Kind Regards,
LFH

[givingitmyall]

God gives us exceedingly abundantly more than we can ever need.

Yep. Hang in there man. I'm praying for you too.

[Looking_For_Help]

Thanks GIMA.

[givingitmyall]

No sweat.

How'd you play today? I haven't swung it in a few weeks, and I'm getting ancy.

[Looking_For_Help]

I shot a round of 85, but most importantly I was able to finally focus on the game and HAVE fun. With so many negative things in my life right now, I've had a hard time enjoying my hobbies and interests.

Even though I want to save my marriage, I am starting to plan my life without the W. This type of thinking makes it easier for me to detach and drop the rope. I want to buy out my W's stake in our house and I'm going to build a swimming pool (for the kids) and summer kitchen in the backyard. I see a nice future for me and the kids.

Thanks,
LFH

P.S. You're doing great in your situation. Hang in there.

[givingitmyall]

Thanks man.

You sound like you are handling it very well. Keep it up.

I'm supposed to play Wednesday, so I'll let you know how badly I spray it around the course.

[Looking_For_Help]

Something I just noticed in the house...all of the photos of me and the W are gone. So it goes...I now expect my W to file for divorce this week. May God give me the strength and wisdom to persevere with my situation. I AM going to be just fine. My W will regret one day what she's doing by breaking up our family. By then I will have someone else in my life.

-LFH

[givingitmyall]

I remember that day for me. It sucked. So, I understand.

As hard as it may be, don't let it take your focus off of working to improve yourself.

Keep your head up. You, nor anyone else, knows how this is going to play out.