If Mrs. SP felt ugly and didn't even want to see a picture of herself, she was experiencing insecurity that was damaging your R (duh)...but it was not out of viciousness that she didn't accept your compliments or advances, it was out of her experiencing an unpleasant sensation because it didn't match or hold true. AND, some of this can be due to her insecurities, issues etc and some due to your delivery or non-delivery in other areas of the R...
Though my instinctive reaction is to say, "Yeah, this is probably right," at the same time these things I described were happening she was working out more, getting new clothing styles, showing cleavage (first time ever), getting Botox.... all the stuff that signals "OM! OM!". So if she was feeling unattractive, it wasn't uniformly unattractive to all male-kind. Certainly not to Signore Schmuckatelli...
I have a theory about this (surprise) and not just as it applies to Mrs. SP -- I think it's a recurring pattern with WAWs. It's like when your mom tells you you're pretty, smart, the best girl in the class. It's nice .... but it means, not a lot. It's your MOM. Bias much? Similarly, when your long-time husband gives you the eye or the drool, if YOU don't believe you're sexually attractive/beautiful, it can mean ... not much. Either .... "well, he HAS to say that stuff; if he's gonna have sex it will be with me, so he has an agenda here" ... or more subtle. With certain personalities, it seems like people who get too close to us (immediate family members, long-term spouses) become so closely identified with our own self-concepts that WE we attribute our opinions about our bodies,etc, to them. Thus the "something off" feeling referenced above.
Not healthy, woah nellie, by a long shot. But possibly, informative. I wonder if the above explains why some women who experience a Schmuckatelli subsequently become more willing to believe the "Hel-LO Nurse!" from their husbands, because now that opinion has been confirmed by an outside so-called "neutral party" with no commitments.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
