finished catching up, and true to form, I have more to say. Are you surprised at all, sunshine?
Anyway, from what your H is saying, it is clear that he is using several "Freudian" defense mechanisms to help him cope. He's clearly in denial and I'm detecting a bit of projection as well. I'm not a pro, but I know my basic psych.
Your H is a piece of work and he'll continue to struggle until he hits bottom and has to dig himself out. As for continuing to be w/OW, he may start it up again regardless of his alleged feelings for her. However, I wouldn't put too much stock into it as it is most likely out of an inability to be alone as opposed to really loving her or wanting to be w/her.
My XW is so uncomfortable w/herself that she can't be alone and will never be alone. It is very, very sad, but it is his cross to bear and his alone.
Finally, I tend to believe that stbx did want to be caught. If you have issues and you can't deal w/them or face them on your own, often times those people do "something" so they can be found out and thus "forced" to deal w/reality.
