I have to admit that I am the one who usually brings up the R, the past, and tell him that he is wrong about his accusations. He always tells me, "You know what you have to do." Of course, he means that I need to give full disclosure about anything else I've done. I've already done that!
Well, stop doing that! Do you get good results when you do that?? It doesn't sound like it. So don't bring it up. If he brings it up, stop the conversation. Leave the room if he won't.
I know the fear about the kids being hurt, and I do believe D is not a good thing for them in most cases, but you can't be motivated by fear. You have to be strong, self-confident, and not allow him to abuse or disrespect you. That's not good for your kids to see either.
