I hate to say this but your W sounds a little delusional about life after D. (All WAS are I think). My H literally told me life is going to be perfect after D, the kids will be happier, he's going to have more money, and I'll find someone really great. Their brain is in fantasyland. It sounds like your W expects your R to stay the same, expect her moving out and dating and then getting her emotional needs from you.
Yeah - I'm getting that. All this business about operating as a family as much as possible, I mean it's not sustainable. She's got examples of friends that still spend holidays together, and I think this is the model in her head - but I think these examples have not been of long duration. And how is that going to work if new relationships come into the picture? ONLY if we retain this limbo for the rest of our lives.
Originally Posted By: karen43
I think you do need to pull back a little. I'm thinking you should do stuff like maybe have separate checking/savings accounts.
That might be a good idea. She calls the main account "my account" but it's joint.
Originally Posted By: karen43
I don't know that the group stuff you and W are doing with the kids is the best idea at least not too much of it. I think you should try to do more GALing with the kids, so she can feel a taste of being left out, which I can assure you winds up happening when you're separated/divorced.
I've thought about that today. Last time we went through this, one of the big things I did was to drive a positive, fun family environment. It helped pull her back. So, this was kind of the model I was following. Not that I'm quite there with the PMA, but I've got - um - OKA (OK mental attitude) - still making her laugh and stuff.
Sometimes it seems like we've got the fussiest kids. They complained about having to go to the baseball game, for example. Driving home, one of my kids asked how much it cost because he wanted to know how much money we wasted... They complained a some today. This kind of stuff drives my W nuts.
Anyway, we taken them to movies the past couple of weekends, all together. I'm sitting here thinking that, this will be good for us all, we'll have fun. But I don't know what difference it's making, you're right. Maybe that would be a good 180. On the other hand, I did take them to Six Flags myself (where they refused to get on any rides except the bumper cars), I'm taking them on daily walks by myself, etc. I do stuff just them and me, that's nothing new. And these weekends where she's not here, I'm doing stuff with them myself. Next weekend will be another example. I think my W is grateful for the break, vs. feeling left out, but that OK too I guess.
