Normal - totally normal behaviour for a WAH in my 'vast' experience!!!!!!! Here's a mantra for you "don't believe anything they say and only half of what they do"
My H stopped putting my name on anything and, when I commented that there were no kisses on emails or texts any more, that definitely was the last I got!! This is normal alien behaviour - don't forget, that is where they are right now, in alien territory.
There are experts out there who may give you better advice than me but here's my 2 cents worth:
He is emailing you right now so if you reply at all, make it polite, business like but in as few words as you can muster. No names, pet names and definitely no kisses! If the email does not warrant a response or ask for an answer, ignore it! I certainly would not be agreeing to take my name off the bank account just yet. PROTECT YOURSELF.
I know how you feel about not p*ssing him off in the name of finance - I'm there!
You are not doomed as he is living 2+ hours away, even though it may feel like it. Does it really matter where he is? He's not with you right now so it could be outer space and not feel any further - right? It's not about where he is but moreso where you are.... in your headspace.
You have to take the bitter pill of reality and people here tell it like it is - it may sound hurtful and very harsh but everyone will tell you in good faith that you have to start doing stuff for yourself and not for H. The fact that you have bought new jeans and make-up is great. The fact that you have an interview for temping jobs is even better, so you are headed in the right direction. It took me ages to work this out but the path we need to take is this -->
1) Detach - that means not worrying about H and what he is doing or not doing. Do not answer his calls, emails or texts - however tempting and if you have to in regard finance, then make it short, sweet and business-like. Not needy, not pursuing
2) Rebuild - start doing stuff for you. That means, getting a job (I know, I know!!) and putting your life back in order so that you are comfortable and secure.
3) GAL - like there is no tomorrow! Use your family and friends to do things with you. No, they won't understand and they will be hurting for you, so may say the most inappropriate things. Just explain that you are not in that position to make any hasty changes right now and that you are 'working a new theory'. Be careful what you say at this time - do not tell them about DB'ing and do not tell them anything that could get back to H.
4) Love Languages - if and when your H is ready to work with you, then you can activate the 5 Love Languages theory. You have read that, right?? If not, go get it from the library. You need to know how to fill up your love tanks!
Until you have done steps 1-3 however, you should not be doing anything other than caring about and for, yourself. H needs to see you strong, in control and moving forward - that does not mean moving on ... it just means that he can start to respect what you are doing for yourself and it may sew the seeds of doubt that he needs to jerk him out of his funk.
Do more of what works and less of what does not. If something is not working, set a time limit on it and change tack.
Keep posting here and people will give you more advice. I'm a newbie and struggling myself but the above is a summary of the advice that I have been given. It's so bl**dy hard at times and it hurts, physical pain - but if we want this, we have to be able to put up the fight and unfortunately, that mostly means that we are in it for the long haul. If H is in a MLC (is he?) then you are looking at approximately 1 month for every year that you have been together - looking at your times, that's two and a half years. A depressing thought, eh??
Don't be down about that for now. One person here reported that she had success 5 years down the track, so we can't lose faith can we?!! Just keep on looking out for yourself. Do nice things around the house, LOOK AFTER the house as well as yourself. Cut the grass, pull the weeds - he will notice these things when and if he comes by. Pay what you can toward the bills, when and if you get some work - that helps from a legal perspective, if it comes to it, later on.
Don't jump too quickly in to any response and, if you are tempted to write to H, make sure that you draft and keep it for 24hrs before you send it. You may be glad that you did!! Once things are 'said' they can not be 'unsaid' ... ! Don't write anything to H unless you post it here first - we can all give you our advice on whether or not it is a good thing to communicate - I have been stopped so many times from getting it badly wrong and I am so glad that I waited that extra time before sending messages.
So, what are your plans for today?? Post them here - it will make you go out and do them for sure - you get to feeling that you have let your DB'ers down if you don't carry forward what you have said that you will and I can attest to the fact that you will feel better for it!!
Will check on you later ...
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
