Funny, she talks about, she's going to get paid soon, and we can take care of XYZ with the bills. We're still doing all our finances together, etc. The think about me paying her legal fees is all kind of moot at this point, because it's coming out of the same pie.
And she said, once we get past all this we can get the hot tub fixed...
I hate to say this but your W sounds a little delusional about life after D. (All WAS are I think). My H literally told me life is going to be perfect after D, the kids will be happier, he's going to have more money, and I'll find someone really great. Their brain is in fantasyland. It sounds like your W expects your R to stay the same, expect her moving out and dating and then getting her emotional needs from you.
I think you do need to pull back a little. I'm thinking you should do stuff like maybe have separate checking/savings accounts. My H and I had a joint account and he raided it. Believe me, I never expected that. I had total trust in him. Hah. I will never do that again, or at least will always have a separate account with some money in it. That might be a good way to show her things will change if she goes through with this. I don't expect you intend to just sit on a shelf and be her best bud when she's dating or going out right? If she's doing a lot of R talking, do a little bit if she brings it up, but then why not plan some GALing so you don't wind up in some long discussion that doesn't do any good. Talk to her for a little bit and then take the kids somewhere.
I don't know that the group stuff you and W are doing with the kids is the best idea at least not too much of it. I think you should try to do more GALing with the kids, so she can feel a taste of being left out, which I can assure you winds up happening when you're separated/divorced.
