I'm sure that you are busy with kids and other stuff ... just letting you know that we are still here - that's me and the moggies - ah, how I wish it was me, the moggies and H!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Hi all, I am back. Finally got the internet up and running, just hadn't had time to check in here.
Friday the move went as well as could be expected under the circumstances. H range once and sent one SMS to find out how the move was going (the cheek). Removalists left at 5.30pm and at about 7.30pm I decided enough was enough and got changed and met friends for dinner, I was exhausted and looked like something the cat dragged in but I needed to get out.
H rang at 8.30pm (the nerve) to say on his way home from pub could I order dinner for him, he arrives at 9.30pm. Sits there and tells everyone the hard work is just beginning as he will have to go home and put the beds together etc, I announced that that had all been done.
We did not talk much at all that night.
H got and went to work Saturday and once again I was on my own. I decided to go and get my hair done, came home unpacked the kitchen - 6 big boxes in 1/2 hr, I was a woman on a mission. Then got my nails done. H was in a foul mood in the afternoon because the poor baby had to move some stuff from the garage on his own and he had a go at me because the BBQ hadn't been moved, no compliments on a job well done or anything.
We went to the party, had a really good night, I looked fabulous H did not tell me I looked good or anything in fact did not talk to me all night but kept glancing over at me every now and again. I did catch him looking at me after I had got ready before we left.At least I got complimented by everyone else.
Now today, I have still just been trying to sort stuff out, getting there but very slowly. I am sure it will come together over the next couple of weeks.
H has decided to go jet skiing something he hasn't done in a long time, smiled at me before he went, hasn't smiled at me in a long time.
Don't know what he is doing, all his stuff is here so who knows.
Glad to be back but it will probably take me a week or so before I get right back into it.
So good to have you back Oz and it sounds like you played a blinder on Friday and Saturday. You sound exhausted though. Rest up a bit and pamper yourself for a few hours today/tomorrow.
What you didn't say was did H (or even you and the kids) stay the first night in the townhouse and is there any indication of H going to his friends place ... or may he still end up with you?
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
We all stayed at the townhouse Friday night. I have no idea about H and what he is thinking of doing.
I haven't spent the last few days doing a GAL or being smiley or anything as I am just physically exhausted and quite sick now.
H is extremely cool toward me has hardly spoken unless he has had to. He has not helped with unpacking, but did help move the sofas into position. I have tried to continue being upbeat but it is really hard when you are tired and unwell.
Going to have an early night tonight, so hopefully will feel a bit better in the morning.
Mmm - I feared this. You were riding to high and now the crash of the wave, I'm afraid.
First job, look after YOU. With your recent medical history, you should not be pushing it. You already know that so listen up.
So, H stayed at the townhouse too?? Just as I suspected, so all may not be lost DO NOT unpack H's boxes - just as you were advised not to pack his 'dirty laundry' then let him unpack it too. Don't worry about being upbeat right now - he will see that you are sick and would not expect it - who would? Hopefully he will help with some stuff whilst you are 'out of action' but don't count on it.
Definitely have that early night (hopefully you are already in bed and not reading this until tomorrow) and see how you go. If you need a few days from work, take them.
Check in and let us know how you are going though, OK?? I know that you have the laptop right now so that should be fairly easy - just no beating yourself up about DB'ing ....
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
H wouldn't even know I was not well, he doesn't care at the moment.
Went to bed early, I didn't even have the energy to say goodnight, so just went. I saw him about 1/2 hr later, come in and look at me then go back out again.
It is just utter chaos here at the moment, moving a 4 bed, 2 living room house to a 3 bed 1 living room townhouse is a challenge.
Thinking I may not go to work tomorrow, will see how I go today, have to go and clean the old house and move the last few small bits and pieces.
AT the moment I don't even know if I have the strength to go on fighting for this marriage, probably just how I am feeling at present with everything being one sided. Might go to the movies again tomorrow night.
Mmm - you are as flat as a flounder, my friend. (((Oz))) how are you feeling today - have you gone to work?
Everything that you are saying (like you don't know if you can be bothered fighting anymore) is perfectly normal when you are not on parr. Let things go for a while and if you are not well, stay put. Don't worry about going to the old house and moving stuff. The worse you get physically, the worse you will get emotionally. When you sink so low, it's twice as hard to get back up on the horse, so don't let yourself fall any further or it will be even harder to climb back up.
Ask S and D to help with bringing the last few bits from the house and if S does that, I am sure that D will help to clean when they know that you are not well. Don't be so hard on yourself. See how you are tonight and if you feel up to it, recruit the kids and take them to the movies with you as payment for helping today! That's a double bonus that you get to spend more time with them and H may even wonder why he was left out!
Let us know how you are going ... JUST REST, OK?? You will be back up soon enough. We just need to give ourselves permission sometimes to have a rest from the enormous fight that zaps us of all our energies. Go cry, go rant and rave if you want to, just do something nice for yourself afterward and feel good about it. We can't carry this burden inside us for all the time that we are doing without it having some sort of pressure release.
I know that you are in your own kind of funk right now but these things are cyclical ... look at me - I was so down but I have come back up a bit now - this is just the way we go ... but we will get there.
Here's one to ponder on, from John Milton the English Poet (1606-1674):
"The mind is it's own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven".
I shall check in on you later. Be kind to youself.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
No I didn't go to work today, have spent the morning cleaning the old house and moving some of the last bits and pieces, few more to go but not many. S helped take a load of stuff to the waste centre for me. He goes back home tomorrow morning.
Have just come back and am sitting down in the middle of the chaos and thought I would log on and have a chat.
I will be right and I am sure by the end of the week I will be bouncing around again, it's just so hard when H is not lifting a finger to help and just being agro with me.
Might go to the movies again tomorrow night as a treat for all my hard work.
As H seems to have at this point come with me, not sure what will happen once the money from the sale arrives in the bank on Thursday things could change then but I really don't know.
Question is do I continue to keep going as I have been doing some 180's, GALing and remaining upbeat (will try to get back into that tonight). I still haven't got my DR book so haven't been able to read it yet, is there any other things I should now be doing? I feel like I should now be doing some other things not sure.
I asked H yesterday if my new bike would fit in the back of my car, his reply was why, do you want to go somewhere with it? I simply replied yes.
