Yeah, I'd like to stop D talk, but W keeps on with it. Well, she's saying that she's looking forward to tomorrow's appointment, that she feel like her L has been really underhanded. That's a good sign - she wants to put this right - it's hard not to press her on our deal to stop the D though. I think that's off the table.
Well, we went to the state fair, stopped for lunch afterwards - it was a good time, W had fun, the kids had fun. Yeah, I wasn't estatically happy, but I held my own. I kept wanting to reach out for her, pull her close, just touch her, but I didn't.
Funny, she talks about, she's going to get paid soon, and we can take care of XYZ with the bills. We're still doing all our finances together, etc. The think about me paying her legal fees is all kind of moot at this point, because it's coming out of the same pie.
And she said, once we get past all this we can get the hot tub fixed...
Okay... what??
To some degree I want to be wary of being around her because she keeps wanting to talk about things.
Feel like I still need to balance giving her space vs. not isolating myself - 180 from before, right - so I'm trying to do both.
So - need to drop the rope. Yes, that's it exactly. Get to the point where I'm happy just being. And when I'm around her, it's not about being around her.
I feel my stronger self emerging. At least I'm getting more in touch with it.
Funny, talked about a lot of memories today. We were in the area where my W lived when we were dating. Talked about the time we went to the state fair when she was pregnant, and could barely walk from bench to bench, but was determined to be there. We ate at the resturant where I believe we ate with her mother the weekend I met her (and a chain where we used to take the kids all the time). Not sure if any of this made much of an impact though. Well, we drove by the drive-in, and she commented how she kept wanting to go when the kids were little, and I always refused. So much for memories.
Thank you Karen!! I appreciate the encouragement. - Bill
