W just went with MIL over to new place to meet a friend and set some things up. She says she won't be long, but I have no idea what that means anymore. It could mean several hours. I am very disappointed in her. I know deep down she knows we could make this marriage work. She just doesn't have the heart to try.
I know that detaching from her is good for my mental health; but I am not so sure it is good for our marriage. But at this point there may not be much of a marriage to save.
Sometimes, I think she just wants to see if she can live without me. If she can, then screw commitment. If she can't, then that proves that we were meant to be together. Does she realize the damage that she is doing to this marriage? How will I ever be able to fully trust her commitment to me again?
Can she live without you? Yeah, probably. You can probably live without her. Seriously, we're all adults, individuals, we can survive on our own, it is our preference however to share our lives with someone, to be in a relationship with someone.
Commitment is a $20 word these days which doesn't get looked at alot when you have everyone shopping for bargains, more for less.
As sciences & stats go, commitment seems to be something men want more of than women which surprises me quite a bit but then when you think about it, it probably makes sense.
Does she realize the damage she is doing? I think the answer is yes and something inside her still tells her to continue on this path because she needs to be proven wrong by something/someone other than you. The affair is too exciting, these feelings she's having (everyone refers to them as "fake" love brain chemicals, they're not fake BTW, they're the same chemicals that were present when she first started being attracted to you) are too strong and she is in love with her emotions right now, logic plays no role in any of these decisions. The sooner you come to grips with this fact, the sooner you can let go of the issue of whether or not she knows the problems she's causing.
If you guys get this thing turned around, trust is something she will have to rebuild with you when you're in the driver's seat again. It can be done, through consistency of action but that isn't where you are at right now so no need to focus on that at this point.
Tristan, keep on what you're doing, you're doing good. Expect the high's & low's, we've all gone through them. Keep on journaling, keep on documenting her actions, moods, emotions, see her reaction to changes you make in your life, see what works, what doesn't. Doesn't feel like it but this is a game you're playing and you're trying to find out what actions provide winning results.
