A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Dia]

mini-vent

H invited me to go to the D-'s for pancake breakfast again - had a great time. The D-'s, however, in making conversation twice brought up the issue of me getting my own place - asking how the apartment hunt was going, etc. Grrrr. It is a virtual certainty that I am over-reacting to this, but it felt like being beaten over the head that I have to move out, that H doesn't want me, etc.

H, for his part, said not a word during either exchange. Me, I simply said that what I had been told by some rental agents was correct, that until all of the returning university students were settled, asking rents in the area were actually going UP. The D-'s SIL chimed in to commiserate, saying that his mother had been looking for a place and all she'd been able to find was a single bedroom in a house full of university students and even that was costing her $600/month.

Again, I am probably reading into things, but it seemed as if someone had taken pains to tell them that I was only staying with H temporarily, and implicit in that is the idea that reconciliation is completely off the table. Grump! Then again, I suppose it might be a good thing for H to think through the idea that a room costs $600/month and does he really want me living in a room in a house with college students?

On a brighter note, H keeps saying things that indicate I am staying here for good. Example: We were discussing a certain rug in the LR and H says that if the cats damage it, 'we can replace it in a few years.' Note the use of "we" and "years." Last night, he mentioned some books my mother had loaned him and he said he wasn't ready to return them yet since he might read them. "Then again, if I want them later, I can always ask her if I can have them back."

If we're divorced, I hardly think he'll be asking my mother to lend him books.

Yeah, yeah - rollercoaster, script, let it go, etc.

So then we came home and H and I worked very closely together setting up and installing new RAM in the desktop computer I brought from down south.

He seems relaxed and comfy with me, initiating conversation, making jokes, etc.