Jak, I think I've also mastered the art of detachment, though of course it waxes and wanes. I get unbalanced and have to remind myself often to get back on track.
The challenge will be to hold onto the space I've created this year for myself. This seems like a healthier place to be. Even with the significant marital problems, I seem to be happier than I've ever been.
There will be trial and error in terms of connecting with my W. She will have to work to some extent. I think boundaries on her part with other men and respectful communication are a good foundation. Without that, there is no moving forward. I'm at a place where I'm fine either way.
She is eager to plan a trip to Puerto Rico in January. I've consented to go, and will likely take a week off, and take the risk of committing to this trip, even though the track record this year would indicate I probably shouldn't go. I think this is her way of trying to connect with me.
I'm finding journaling to be very helpful. I found a technique in a book that is helpful. The book is The New Diary, by Tristine Rainer. It's called dialogue. I create anyone or anything to dialgoue with. It can be a real person, someone I've never met, a celebrity, God, an aspect of myself, the devil. I've been talking to a minister and a therapist.
It helps to articulate the swirl of thoughts and emotions going on in my head, and clarify what's going on. I don't limit myself to relational problems, but include anything I'm struggling with. I write about whatever is on my mind.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Thanks Dawn. It sure does speak volumes. My dog is my lifeline at this time. I'm grateful for him. Our evening walks together are important for both of us.
I'll stop by and get familiar with your situation. I've sampled a few of your posts. You seem thoughtful and articulate, and will be enjoyable to read and follow.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
CL, Gosh, thanks for all of those kind words! I write waaaaay too much, but hopefully some good comes out of it all. (It just now occurred to me that it might have something to do with the fact that I am no longer journaling on my own, so I guess all that overthinking needs to leak out somewhere!)
Some famous writer (can't remember which one) once said something like, "I am sorry this is so long; I did not have time enough to make it shorter." That's me all over! I wrote a novel for National Novel Writing Month (Google it if interested; great program for getting people to put their ideas on paper) in November 2007, and I know that I am going to have to go back and throw out at least half of it simply because it's too wordy. Although I recently read on a writer's blog that usually only 30% of the first draft is gold, and you have to cut at least 70%...so my saying I need to throw out half is probably underestimating.
Would be pleased to have you visit me on my thread! Hang in there!
Peace, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
CL, maybe the trip will be the time your wife decides to do her part to reconnect! You said before you both enjoyed traveling and that might be the connection you need. I hope so.
Matilda, Things have been more stable, since my W returned from her PR trip. I'm going to resume posting on the Piecing forum. My pace for now is probably about a post a week, so I think I'll go back to my old thread.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
