Must've Been That Mojo Boogie

[hoosiermama]

Yeah. Ouch. There are those moments when, in retrospect, you probably should have known the marriage was doomed, eh? I had one of those when xH was helping me out of the shower after major shoulder surgery less than a year before he left. There was such a look of disgust on his face when he saw me; I'll never forget that. I made sure I was never unclothed in front of him again, I'll tell you that--wasn't going there again, it hurt way too much.

But anyway, I digress. I don't know about your situation, but mine was that there were no terms of endearment, no words of appreciation, no expressions of gratitude, no in-between things like holding hands, touching, no goodbye kisses, ultimately not even "goodbye," just leaving. For years. And then I was supposed to be hot for him at a moment's notice because he was ready. There's a lot of in-between-ness, from no interaction to full-on sex. But you knew that. I was just married to a narcissist and didn't realize until it was too late.

And then there's the wounding. Yeah, there are daily small things, and there are things like "oh thanks" or "ugh, this is boring." And then there are major things, possibly. See, I would've given you a pass on that not being there for her mother's death thing, if you were away in the war. For me there were a few things, but the one I never got over was when I was in labor with our second stillborn son, and I spent the entire time alone while xH and his support person were in the hospital cafeteria. For hours. I might have been able to get past it if he had apologized or even acknowledged it--but he denied being gone. Like I was living some alternate reality. And I think at that point I realized he just didn't have the capacity to do anything else. Which didn't contribute much to my sense of feeling safe with him, y'know? Sorry--I didn't intend for this to be all about me, just giving some insight into relationship fractures.