I'm new wondering if this works...

[BigJohn]

Hey robx - I like your attitude - I could use some of that. How about for a W dealing with a WAH who is very angry and critical any time he comes home? He lives in his apt. but first thing out of his mouth when he comes to take S or visit is yelling about something I f***ed up in his mind. Does a H respond to a strong woman too? Usually if I stand up to him saying come find me when you are calm, etc, he gets even more furious. It seems to backfire.

General advice? Or check out my thread to see my sitch? Thx! "I'm new and wondering if this works" is the name of my thread.

Hope,

You posted this to RobX's attention over on my new thread. Hope you don't mind if I offer my two cents. I haven't read your entire thread, but regardless of that you H shouldn't be treating you to the kind of verbal abuse you describe. It sounds like he has anger management issues in addition to not having respect for you.

One of the common issues the Left Behind Husbands (LBHs) have is not understanding the impact their words and actions are having on their wife (W) until it is too late. It boils down to communication issues between the two. In the case of you and your H, you are going to have to have a very frank discussion with him about what he is doing, how it makes you feel and what the consequences are going to be for him if it continues (i.e. divorce, separation, etc). You need to be firm and very specific when you communicate this to him. He needs to know that there is going to come a time when you are no longer going to wonder why you are staying with him and putting up with his crap- you are just going to leave. Is that what he really wants?

Have that crucial conversation with him. If you are concerned that he may react negatively, consider having it with him in the presence of a third party- one of your parents, a close sibling or friend.

Good luck and hang in there.