Hi sh As for MLC I definitely had something of the sort. More of empty nest syndrome I think, we’ve got 4 kids, all a year apart and I found it really hard to come to terms with them growing up and leaving home. I did get depressed and couldn’t see much of a future, I’ve told my H that I’d have left me at that time too! Got over it now though and am much more positive, sadly too late H had already checked out (emotionally, but not physically for a couple of months after my recovery). He believes that if he’d stayed I’d still be depressed, so for him it’s been too little too late.
I think it’s realistic to ignore any ‘progress’ until it becomes more of a trend. It’s easy to fall into the trap of seeing anything as a baby step and getting carried away, becoming too pushy or enthusiastic and then the H retreats again – that’s the pattern I’ve fallen into several times, trying to change that.
What is it.... hope for the best, expect the worst.
Thanks for checking in on me. Not much to report. In my skewed, still hopeful, I-believe-in-MLC mind, I still think that H is trying to escape from himself and resist any true feelings he has. He has mentioned several times that he'll be traveling for a week or two at a time - and he has been.
Friend moved out, so he is officially on his own. Spent the entire day on his own with the kids the other day and brought them out for 2 meals - a first! He had called me on their way out to dinner and I considered asking him over to eat, but wasn't making anything he'd like, so didn't offer. Should I have? I thought it was a bit early to be making such gestures. Or maybe I'm just not willing to be rejected...
H still can't say my name - my new name is still "Hey" or a loud "Uh..." until I look his way. At least he's talking to me. Tells me his whereabouts more openly now.
Oh - somewhat newsworthy, if not outdated: I found out that H was on anti-depressants some time back! Not sure if he's still on them. Apparently took them to help him sleep. His ghosts must've been keeping him awake at night. (Good.)
I continue to keep my distance from him during the week. Still too early in the game to be getting excited. What will get me excited: dinners out as a family, calls during the week/for no reason, an invitation to see his new place.
Sorry to hear that you went through a difficult stage of your kids leaving the home. But having been through that depression, at least you can empathize with your H... Hope that he comes to his senses like you were able to. Hang in there.
Hi No I think you done good, at this stage, any invitation not matter what can seem pushy. I’m hardly an expert though.
Difficult wasn’t the word for it, I must have been horrible, couldn’t see anyway forward, had nothing to look forward too ra ra ra. Having said that my H reaction was to tell me to pull myself together or get to the doctors – not helpful. That’s behind us though I’m looking forward and DBing my a$$e off –to mixed success.
Hi sh- Things are moving in the right direction but try not to get ahead of yourself. Even if he does those things that will get you "excited", you still have to have no expectations. For now, try to just be thankful for the positive steps your H is making.
You seem to be handling things well so far...just continue to keep your cool.
Still on that rollercoaster of emotions. Sometimes wanting H back, sometimes wanting nothing to do with H.
No real progress to report. H has been nice and has called a couple times this week, but instead of being excited by his calls, I was more annoyed. ? I kept the calls short and ended them both times. So much for warm and fuzzy. H told me he'd be traveling next week - I didn't ask where, why or for how long. (He told me where and how long - seemed to want me to ask why. I just said OK.) Came to the realization that I've stopped asking him anything remotely personal because I don't want to be lied to. Finally understood why his family is not big on personal questions.
H asked me to drop boys off at his place last week - first time in 3 yrs he's let me know where he's living. He didn't invite me up, and honestly, if he does any time soon, I think I'll decline. Not ready for that. In denial? Too much reality? Don't really care?
Having doubts that H will ever mature. Keeping myself open to other options, of which there are sadly none. I'd still take H back, but the way I've been feeling, he'd have to fight his way back.
SH no matter what really happens here, at least you H is becoming more available for his kids so you can get help and cooperation from him
You are doing an amazing job of keeping it all together more will be revealed later options are always available new doors will open in time if that is the way this goes but truthfully it seems hopeful your H seems like he is in some kind of connection phase keep it light upbeat and just take care of you You have survived thru all of it you will be OK peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
SH, you are handling this just fine, I mean not keeping your life or emotions out of his life. For the moment, he can be just the kids' father. Hope his friend's family coming here is a good influence.
Not much at all going on my side. H keeps mentioning that he is getting old. Sometimes I am really scared that it will be MLC #2 (since MLC #1 lasted a short time relatively speaking). Anyway, take care.
peace - I'm not sure he's trying to reconnect. I think he's just less guarded than he was when he was with the ogre, and that he has more time on his hands. He isn't necessarily more available for the kids either - still sees them only once a week. I'm starting to suspect that there's already someone new - who possibly lives near me too. H is not someone who can be alone. Like you said - more will be revealed in time.
oc - good to hear from you. Instead of friend being good influence on him, I have a feeling it's the other way around. I've been speaking to friend's wife - she was very much in the dark about what happened with H and I, and I already see signs of her H becoming more like mine. I just hope that moving here doesn't turn out to be a disaster for their M. As for your H, maybe he's having one of those very long and drawn out MLCs. Hopefully it's a milder case? and will end soon...
Thinking that I give H way too much credit. Not sure if he's big enough to ever pull himself out of this and find the right path. Seems like I'm the only one who believes in him - everyone else seems to look at him as a lost cause.
Just had a long conversation with a friend who has a friend that has been going out a lot at night with H. I'm trying not to freak out after hearing that H is a MAN SLUT. Yes, that's his new reputation. Not only that, but another long time friend (a male) was truly disgusted and disturbed by the girl H had on his arm last night. Not only did H have one on his arm, apparently friend who just moved here had one on his arm as well. It's a case of "a friend of a friend said", but I'm so disappointed in that friend. His family JUST moved here for him.
Don't think I can continue to make up excuses for H's behavior and rationalize all the stupidity.
