Hell, I barely understood that but, my thoughts exactly.
I'll beg the court's indulgence due to fatigue (5 miles today) and if it weren't for waiting for El Washing Machineo I'd be long a'bed.
Should Monsoor's (Mrs. SP's) undeniable status as Parent of your (my) kids somehow trump Mrs. SP's (Monsoor's) status as Walkaway? In other words, do you (I) give him/her a pass (or extra credit or an "A" for effort or whatever) for the sake of the kids, or do we hold our Walkaways to A (the?) Standard?
IOW: Okay, you hurt me, you dumped me, you insulted me, you disrespected me, you tossed me aside, you love me but you're not in love with me, you don't think of me that way, you're with someone else, you tell me to "just get over it" and "move on" and "deal," you mess up my finances, you upset my apple-cart, you up-end my world, you devastate my chldren .... but you're also Dad/Mom, so I guess we'll call it even.
Yes / no / maybe so?
Even? No way. They get to still be considered as a prospect because of their status as parent...that's all.
Miss one day and look at all the catch up reading I had to do.
1. Sex not right. - I got this one a lot late in the M. It was never right. However W wasn't great about playing along about what it was supposed to be. Somehow I had to pay the freight for the SSM and I felt that was never fair. It takes two.
I was trying to remember what/when our last time was (either 12/08 or 1/09. However not much happened in month before because I was kind of fed up with the whole one-sidedness of everything. She complained about wanting more, but then complained it was never right. She rarely initiated (or teased or hinted) and she didn't say what was good or not good. Odog give up.
2. Spontaneous vs Planned. How about both? I can remember a few times where it was suggested early in the day that maybe should...then try...and then...until... Yeah, in fact one of those times was running through my thoughts earlier today and it made me really sad.
3. "This is boring" = mean.
I'm sorry if I come off angry lately. I have many of the same feelings and issues as others and it just bothers me that it seemed so avoidable.
Anyway O'dog is tired too. Long day. motorcycle, rock gym, kidsters.
Last edited by orangedog; 08/30/0907:01 AM.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Well, I'm still here. The naps after meals really ruin a night's sleep. But I feel compelled to say that reading this board for 2.5 years has really opened my eyes to how many people, mostly women, don't want to have sex. For whatever reason, don't like it. And I think the things they say about why they don't want it are mainly misleading. They are excuses, not reasons. (And I am excluding you here AAK, because I am talking about your basic normal sex, not experimental stuff.) And I agree that it should give everyone pause to think about re-committing to a non-sexual marriage, mother of your children or not.
For whatever reason, don't like it. And I think the things they say about why they don't want it are mainly misleading.
I know you excluded me but I kind of take issue with your comment. I was really turned off and had a practically non-existent sex drive (talking about regular sex here). I was not misleading anyone, I did not understand it myself. I was trying to figure it out.
But, sex with H after he left was pretty incredible...I attribute that to the stark change in our dynamic and H at least becoming an autonomous man...and boy was I surprised that I wasn't frigid after all!
A sexless marriage is not always doomed to remain sexless and I believe in the possibilities.
If so many women don't want to have sex (apparently not with their husbands but perhaps other fellas), maybe this is not an issue of women misleading and making up excuses but a common dynamic that develops in marriages.
You don't recommit to a non-sexual marriage any more than you would recommit to an abusive marriage...you redefine the relationship and you change the dynamic so that more of each partner's needs are met. At least that is what I envision as the goal.
Ok, I am stunned, shocked, etc. at these sexless, baloonless M's. I don't know why anyone would put up with that. And if these WAW's are orgasmless, I don't see it as the H's fault. Just because you aren't in tune with your own body is not his fault.
Speak up, ladies! Jeez! But not in the humiliating, pain-inflicting way. So, you want your man to read your mind? What is wrong with just saying "Touch me here, stroke me there, grope me here, suck me there....?" I think a man would find that very helpful, and probably hot too.
I can hear it now, "Oh, I could NEVER say those things to my beloved!" But it's interesting how "Ugh, this is boring!" slips out so easily. Yikes!
I guess I am also shocked because I am a bit (quite a bit in some cases) older than most of the posters here. When did you crazy kids get so hung up about sex? Good God!
As for "spontaneous sex", that is ridiculous. Most sexual encounters are planned. Dates are planned. A's are planned. Spontaneous? R-i-i-i-ght. Anyone still going to stick with that silly notion? Is anyone here going to try to tell me that making a date for a specific time, getting dressed, going out, coming home and getting it on is spontaneous?
And since when is sex not fun just because it's not "spontaneous?"
Just because you aren't in tune with your own body is not his fault.
I don't usually get irked here but you've got a serious superiority issue. Check out how the women who aren't "in tune" with their bodies can a) orgasm in about 30 seconds on their own and b) orgasm with another man or H in a new dynamic.
Quote:
"Oh, I could NEVER say those things to my beloved!"
I have never spoken with a single women who would say this. I don't know women who are prude or out of touch with their bodies or who wont say touch me here or there. I know women who have a dynamic with their H's and a lifestyle that puts sex and intimacy at the bottom of the list and the H's have a hell of a lot to do with the intimacy loss...of course they can still work their equipment but so much is missing.
And of course planning a date with sex as a forgone conclusion is fun in one way, but living with someone and juggling busy schedules requires some creativity and intuition and spontaneity unless sex is only to be limited to when one can get a baby-sitter.
I don't see many here who are hung up on sex. Most of us are being very honest and candid and unabashed in our conversation.
Mrs. SP did not need SP to touch her somewhere else...the dynamic of the R was scr*wed up. Intimacy is not a shallow issue for most women.
Apologies for my assumptions regarding Mrs. SP...I can and should however speak for myself and many women I know and in our cases, there's no prudeness, just stressful lives and strained dynamics.
What is wrong with just saying "Touch me here, stroke me there, grope me here, suck me there....?" I think a man would find that very helpful, and probably hot too.
I don't want to speak for all of Male-Kind, but I'm just going to go out on a limb here and say you can safely drop the modifier, "probably," from that sentence.....
@Sex Talk:
I'm wondering if maybe this conversation -- which I think is important -- might not merit its own thread?
Posted by: aliveandkicking Mrs. SP did not need SP to touch her somewhere else...the dynamic of the R was scr*wed up.
Quote:
Posted by: aliveandkicking Apologies for my assumptions regarding Mrs. SP...I can and should however speak for myself and many women I know and in our cases, there's no prudeness, just stressful lives and strained dynamics.
One thing I've noticed in your posts here and there about the boards, AAK, is that you seem to oscillate between tolerating ambiguity and making these kinds of blanket, either-or/black-white statements. That's not uncommon, I think. We want there to be "A" reason for our sitches and "THE" trick for resolving them and "AN" answer to all our prayers.
In a sense the whole paradigm produces that kind of thinking -- "figure out what you did wrong" = (in my world) isolate the causal factor. But that's a pretty static model (hat tip @Thinker, @Alex) for a pretty dynamic situation. For one, it totally negates the fact that Walkaway changes in response to Left-Behind's changes which then change in response to Walkaway's changes, which means in a weird way DB'ing is an infinite loop.
With specific reference to my sitch, sure, the dynamic of the R was screwed up. But that doesn't mean that Mrs. SP ALSO didn't need me to do something else OR that her unwillingness to voice that until the Last Minute (literally) wasn't a function of HER PERSONAL screwed-uppedness and was necessarily a function of the R's screwed-uppedness.
