Dropping in to say great job on the not pursuing, on the "But he left her" and all your changes. She looks like she is moving toward you. I'm so pleased. Keep it up!
Thanks BigJohn and Hope4. Funny thing is the comment just came out, and I said it in a calm, caring way. No anger or contempt. Just very matter of factly.
@BigJohn, the pork loin came out ok - all the flavor on the outside of the meat. I did a dry rub on it, then grilled it on my gas grill. It was a last second throw together. If I'd had more time, I would have marinated it and/or cooked it on my Big Green Egg. It would have been much better.
We had a good evening last night. Put kids to bed, then watched a little TV. Then off to our separate bedrooms.
It was very tough not pursuing her yesterday, especially after our "date." I really wanted to talk about the R, I want to grab her and, well...But I fought those urges and didn't. Then the door propped open with the conversationwith the sitter, and, bang, I got in a pretty good jab. After the jab, I was able to back off much more easily to let my comment sink in with her.
Patience...
Going to church this AM (all of us). Then family stuff around house until S9 has football practice.
Went to church this morning. Repaired a magazine caddy for W (cuz I'm handy in all rooms of the house). Went for a great run in the drizzle. Capped off with S's football practice.
Great job GIMA, keep it up! At the same time, don't get your expectations up too high either.
I remember about 3 weeks after I busted my W's A. We were having a meal and she suddenly just said "You know, the grass always looks greener on the other side, until you step there and end up in all the bullsh*t", completely out of the blue. I can't tell you how much that lifted my spirits. Nor of the devastation after to find she was still in WAS mode "in love with OM", for almost a year after that statement. They'll go back and forth till they clear the fog.
I also went through a similar thing as you just before my sitch made big improvements. Almost eeriely similar. The same "people just won't know what they have till they lose it" message.
good stuff
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
Thanks. I'm just summoning all the patience I can find right now. I know it's a marathon.
Going to try to stay busy, which has not been a problem lately at work. Trying to get a buddy to go with me to a preseason NFL game this week. Hopefully, that GAL'ing will help re-charge the patience reserves.
I am keeping my expectations in check. But, I keep sensing she wants to do or say something to acknowledge she wants to work on the M.
Just now, writing this, I realize that since starting DB'ing, I have been developing that "sense" of being able to feel/tell something is up or going in a particular direction. I call it a "sense" but, in truth, it is probably just the result of paying attention to my W like I should have been before.
I'm in a similar sitch GIMA. H showing signs of coming closer - I'm sensing it too - but still trying so hard to be patient while we retreat to separate rooms - when H is here - or apartments when H isn't.
It's like watching a flower grow. You can't see the growth minute by mintue, even day by day. But you care for it anyway. You don't stop watering because it doesn't look any taller than the day before. You diligently care for it through the months. But one day, what was a seed you planted in the earth is a tall plant with beautiful flowers blooming.
Here's to big beautiful blooming flowers in your future!
Actually, I don't think so, GIMA. The reason this sounded wise is partly that it also sounds like a new way to think about things. Yes, we should hang on and obsess over every nuance of our interaction with our spouses, but I also think we all ended up here partly out of taking our spouses - and their alleged happiness in the R - for granted. So paying attention = GOOD!
Last edited by Dia; 08/31/0904:01 AM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
It's like watching a flower grow. You can't see the growth minute by mintue, even day by day. But you care for it anyway. You don't stop watering because it doesn't look any taller than the day before. You diligently care for it through the months. But one day, what was a seed you planted in the earth is a tall plant with beautiful flowers blooming
