Thank you Purple. I am scared, but I am determined.
Good point about the "treating you like what?", usually said defensively and translates to "I'm not treating you like crap. You just think I am."
Even if he says that, I am prepared per gucci's initial script coaching. "I don't want to vacation with someone who didn't want to make time to call me frequently. I don't want to vacation with someone who talks to me the way you did."
And anyway, I won't have time to get drawn in to details because I was just on my way out the door.
H still didn't contact me with only 2 days left before I was supposed to leave. I really had to wonder what was up. I couldn't imagine that he could be so cold as to not say anything. But I thought it could be that he is so enraged that I was upset with him and suggesting that he was being pretty self-absorbed, that he may enjoy the idea of me waiting not knowing if I should go or not. (Fortunately, I'm not doing that. But he doesn't know that.)
So I decided to do a little internet searching and thanks to some folks who write about events in business forums and personal blogs, I think I have a hint. Yep, it's a woman.
I found out that a business collegue he had pursued, unsuccessfully, 10 years ago was at the event, which I would expect. When H and I were just pals, he had told me how he was basically obsessed with her and pursued her for a couple of years until she finally had to tell him, "look I really like you as a friend but that's all." He said he couldn't believe it that he could feel so much chemistry and she didn't. Shortly after that she got a steady BF and that was that. They continued to see each other socially (with her BF) every few years when he was in her town. No big deal.
Well, it appears that H invited her to work with him on a new project,-starting now-(which he had no plans for just 10 days ago) It is a collaboration of just the two of them.
I'm betting that the lovely collegue has broken up with the BF and H is going to give it another shot. This lends support to my theory that he is so intrigued by the unattainable woman that once he married me, he lost a lot of interest.
I soooo hope she shoots him down again. I tend to think that is what will happen, because she wasn't interested before despite a long friendship, but, you never know.
Do these developments call for any change in strategy? Is there anything I should do proactively?
Very sorry to hear of this development, Dudess, yet I am glad you have a heads up on it. I'd say play it cool while you make your plans, but be prepared for him to suddenly have some kind of "epiphany" of what you mean to him if can't get anywhere with this woman.
Are you sure he didn't have something like this in the back of his head before he even left?
Are you sure he didn't have something like this in the back of his head before he even left?
I really don't think so. He had wanted me to come earlier and stay longer in the city he's in now. I don't think he would have wanted me around if he had any thoughts about re-wooing someone else.
This really hurts. I'm trying to keep focused on making a better life for myself, but it's hard to do.
i don't see any way out of this morass.and i do not want to bring it over to europe. don't think our being together over here would be a good idea.
your annoyance, rage, contempt, ironic hostility, blame etc. (all based upon hurt feelings and fear, probably) although draining for me make complete sense from your standpoint i'm sure.
i'm just too exhausted to try to sort it all out all over again.
Although i do feel sad about the mess, i'm sorry to say that i have just about enough energy to fulfill my commitments here (i hope) and that's about it.
sincerely.............
Do I respond? Maybe something along the lines of "I agree with you. I already changed my ticket several days ago."
Or something else?
or no response at all?
My first priority is getting me moved out under the radar for now.
I would say, "Sorry you feel that way. i thought we could have a nice time together. But if you don't want me to come, then I'll do something else." And then I would go on a nice vacation by myself, charging it to him, of course.
As I think more about this, I am inclined to think that someone who really doesn't give a fig would not even reply.
No reply is requested or needed. Saying I already cancelled (although true) could come across as "you can't fire me, I quit" And responding to his statement about my alleged "annoyance, rage, contempt, ironic hostility, blame etc." would just be engaging like someone who cared enough to defend myself, or say "what about what you did", blah blah blah.
No reply could mean many things. It could mean I am so devastated I can't type through my tears. It could mean I'm mad. (I am annoyed about not getting my vacation, but this could be a blessing in disguise.) But also someone hurt or mad would probably shoot off an email either blasting him or saying "How could you . . ."
You just don't know what no reply means. And not replying would be very unlike me - a 180.
I would say, "Sorry you feel that way. i thought we could have a nice time together. But if you don't want me to come, then I'll do something else." And then I would go on a nice vacation by myself, charging it to him, of course.
Ooops, I was writing my post before I saw yours Sara.
I will take a vacation for myself after I get moved out.
Shortly after that she got a steady BF and that was that. They continued to see each other socially (with her BF) every few years when he was in her town. No big deal.