Sorry, it's the Okie coming out in me. Not much to read on the old bulletin board tonight so I'm basically killing time. MPT wrote something recently in another post that I wanted to make sure I could find again, so I'm copying it here:
Quote: Have you tried presenting the issue to your wife this way:
"It's not 'just sex.' My love for you increases when we have sex. When we don't, the love I feel for you begins to diminish. I start loving you a little less and less. I don't want the love I feel for you to die. You may not ever understand it because that's not how it works for you, but it does for me. That's not going to change. So it's not just about some itch that needs scratching. It's about keeping my love for you alive."
I thought that was pretty good and I may want to use it sometime. Maybe taking that approach would help my wife understand how important having a vibrant sexual relationship with her is to me.
The cover story in the USA Weekend insert in the Sunday newspaper (which I assume that many other cities also get in their Sunday paper) was titled "What We Know About Sex". It listed several important findings on sex according to the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction. I found a couple of them to be interesting and I wish that I could shove the article in front of my wife and say "here, read this - I'm not crazy after all!" But since I know from experience that such tactics will get me nowhere, I'm including a couple of the findings here just to shove them in front of somebody.
Sexuality defines our lives. Sexuality is central to all of us -- even people who aren't sexually active. It's absolutely fundamental to the organization of human society and has been from the earliest history. Studies show that sexuality plays a significant role in our self-esteem and emotional well-being. For most people, what they think about themselves as a sexual person is a very important part of how they think about themselves as a human being. The effect of having a good sexual relationship on one's well-being is very substantial. A 2000 Kinsey survey found that general physical and mental health were strongly correlated to sexual well-being and satisfaction.
The article also stated that being sexual means letting go. Feeling safe to do so with a partner has a powerful bonding effect. I agree whole-heartedly and I wish that my wife still felt safe enough with me to "let go".
Under the heading "Sex by the Numbers", the article stated that couples in the age range of 30 to 39 (in which my wife and I fall) average having sex 86 times a year. Anytime I point out to my wife that 3 or 4 times per year is not "normal", she acts like I couldn't possibly have any earthly idea how often other couples have sex. So I'm basically including this information as a means of venting.
That's about all I have for the moment. I haven't been particulary motivated to post lately although I've been keeping up with everyone else's posts. I hurt for those of you going through tough times right now and if I had any advice to offer I'd do so gladly. But considering that I've made so little progress myself, I don't feel like anything that I have to say will do anyone any good. You're all in my prayers though.
