Sorry if this is a little off topic, but i was reading through your thread and something made sense to me - about him feeling "emasculated." I have just begun to realize my husband feels this way too. I never knew it as it is a male issue, and I don't feel such things. I started reading a book that I recommend, "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It," and it keeps returning to a basic tenet: Marital problems are often rooted in the W feeling fear and the H feeling shame. What may look on the outside as the H being angry, avoidant, silent, etc - is often rooted in shame, or emasculation.
since I have begun to see my H through this perspective (he has anger/criticism/verbal abuse issues)I see him not as the terrorizing dictator to be feared or the avoidant, absent guy who stopped caring about me - but as a scared man who is freaked out that he feels vulnerable, emasculated, etc.
This book is really good about shifting the perspective. Perhaps if you can see all his acting out - his claims at moving on, etc - as actually a difficulting handling his own shame, it may take some of his power away.
also, at one point I just hit bottom. I was also physically sick so I just stayed in bed for two days and cried. I was finally convinced he was going to serve me with D papers and end it all. Somehow a peace came over me. I realized that no matter what I want, if he is going to avoid his side of the problems and just walk away blaming it all on me, then I can't control him. He is wrong and irresponsible, he is just as much to blame, but if he can't see this on his own, I have to just face that.
Over a week or more I came to grips with the fact that I may be a single parent soon. And sure enough, he hasn't walked yet. He actually has been hanging around home more like I've posted. There's a lot of strength in not having the fear of them leaving possessing you and your behavior toward him. And my H noticed. Yours may too.
