Ummmmmm, yes. We were doing that Oprah/Dr. Laura Berman/plan your couples date night thing (unevenly and seldom successfully) for about 2 years. Why do you ask -- were we not supposed to?
Well, sounds really boring to me...just saying.
I can't recall ever contemplating an hour prior to getting it on, what the game plan would be...it just is not how it works.
Well that's great for you, yee-haw. You had a spontaneous sex life. Lots of other people in the world don't. Suggest you click over to the link and see how the other half lives. Who knows -- might put your sitch in a whole new light.
Ha, ours was spontaneously unfulfilling so not much better.
And we went months at a time with barely a bonk...of course I was kind enough to throw in the balloon blow here and there but scheduling might have been a step up. Who the hell knows?
Let me Xplain...W is not attracted to H (for whatever reasons that may or not be his "fault")...obligatory encounter begins. W prays to the Gods of Orgasms for some catharsis and plunges in only to feel...not a whole lot...W feels broken, despondent, frustrated, angry (this has to be something he is doing wrong, dammit)...W subsequently wonders, is it him or is it me, Signore shows up and W gets that tingly feeling...hmmm...maybe W is not broken, maybe it was H...
May be a lot of truth to this ....
.... I was thinking, although I forgot to write, that "ugh this is boring" might have been as much a referendum on her/you two as a couple rather than just you. (let me reiterate for about the 14th time that I think it was a crappy thing to say)
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
"If you choose on the basis of Themselves and not of you, what happens when Themselves leave the nest? If you're not True to yourself, are you really modeling what you want for them?"
That sounds ok until you apply it to something like, both parents choosing to work minimum wage and follow their Hollywood dreams of stardom to the considerable physical and scholastic detriment of their kidlets because they want to model "being true to themselves".
The way I see it (considering you have no religious scruples trapping you in your m), your wife's status as the mother of your children is a substantial weight on the one side of the scale. Not the whole scale.
And I hereby recuse myself from further comment on the history of your marriage. It's clearly impossible to comment meaningfully without access to years of context. Smack my nose with a rolled-up newspaper if I do it again (wink).
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
But Friend -- not FFF, but Studly Paragon of He-Manliness (11 on the Charles Atlas Scale of Absolute Manitude) Friend -- asked a real puzzler one day.
"SP, my man," said he, whilst bench-pressing an imported automobile, "If you choose on the basis of Themselves and not of you, what happens when Themselves leave the nest? If you're not True to yourself, are you really modeling what you want for them? Maybe you are; maybe you aren't -- spot me here, will you, I want to add a Chevy to this -- but it seems to me to be something worth considering."
And he was right. It is worth considering.
FWIW...this is probably the same kind of thing Mrs. SP's enabling BFFs said to her pre-bomb.
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Ummmmmm, yes. We were doing that Oprah/Dr. Laura Berman/plan your couples date night thing (unevenly and seldom successfully) for about 2 years. Why do you ask -- were we not supposed to?
Well, sounds really boring to me...just saying.
I can't recall ever contemplating an hour prior to getting it on, what the game plan would be...it just is not how it works.
Actually you would think that planning something would take away the excitement of it but reading up on this topic, it seems the opposite is actually observed.
Example: you plan for and have weekly back massages at the massage therapist for an hour every friday afternoon. You know about this appointment, the great feeling you derive from it and it doesn't take away the excitement of it. In fact it adds to the excitement, the anticipation builds, you start to think about this appointment on monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, etc...
Spontaneous sex sounds awesome (and it is) but planning sex for busy couples, say for once or twice a week at an agreed upon time gives people something to look forward to, it's possible they also put extra special care in their personal hygeine, wear special outfits, maybe even purchase a gift for the other spouse, etc.
Planning sex or other similar activities may sound boring but it turns out that people who do this have more satisfying sex lives than people who have spontaneous sex and are at the mercy of schedules that haven't allowed any time for this resulting in grumpy people who haven't had sex in a long time complaining about not having had sex in a long time.
