Well, I managed not to contact my wife last night. Feeling very uneasy this morning. I have a feeling that bad news is coming today. I so badly want to send a good morning text in order to test the waters, but I will simply force myself not to. I hate the days that I wake up with the feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Oh well, this is only the start of day 3 since she walked out and away. Something tells me it's going to be a bad one.
So much for not contacting her. I had some good news here at work and wanted to share it with her. So, I called her cell.
She sounded quite depressed about her life overall. Still no plan on coming home - yes I asked, but very briefly. It was obvious that she didn't want to talk, so I just let her go and said I would call her later. I did say that I miss her - I think that's ok. Nothing wrong with being honest.
Honesty at times can also be damaging.right now she is angry depressed and confused.telling her you miss her after pushing her to leave can very well be hurtful to her.
This is just my opinion but give her space lots of space.wait for her to contact you and then choose you words carefully.try to get your mind off it enjoy your kids.take them out have fun.
If you keep projecting something bad will happen guess what it will(Murphy's Law).
Be positive make it a good day !
God Bless
H 49 W 42 S 19 S 14 S 12 S 8 D 6 M 19 Bomb dropped 2/09 Separated 5/09 still hopeful, praying
Thanks for the reminder on the space thing. I know that's what she wants, but it's so hard do the opposite of what your heart and mind tell you to do. Just reading your comments out loud helps.
This patience while in total limbo sure does suck!!!!
I won't likely be able to access this site tomorrow from home, so my next post probably won't be until Monday. I don't expect much to happen today, but by tomorrow (our usual Sunday at home together as a family) something is most likely going to happen.
How in the world do I not go crazy between now and then? And what do you do to prepare yourself to hear the words no one wants to hear? What do I say the moment after she drops the bomb? That is if, she does drop one, and I suspect she will.
Your help appreciated here folks. I'll check in before I head home in a couple of hours.
How to not go crazy? Stay busy, distract yourself, read a book, go for a walk, shoot some hoops. Spend some time with friends.
What to say? Stay cool. Say, I understand what you're saying. Listen to her, figure out from what she says, where she is on it - it she willing to go to counciling, does she have a plan to seperate permantently, etc. Don't pressure or contradict her feelings. Don't tell her that YOU need her, that YOU love her. Listen.
My wife came home yesetrday in order to have our Sunday family dinner, even though d18 was at work. Prior to dinner, a short time after she came in home, she said "we need to talk about what we are going to do". I said "whenever you wish - now is fine with me".
We had a brief conversation, since she had lots to do. She said "we can't keep living like this". I agreed. We spoke a little longer, but I kept the conversation brief and let it end when she wanted it to.
Later in the day, before dinner, we played scrabble together. We usually do that on Sunday afternoons - it helps my wife de-stress from the week. While playing we discussed the previous few days and she told me she stayed at a hotel for 3 nights - only spent the first night away with her friend. We agreed she would spend the night at home and that we could sleep in the same bed. As she sais "we have been sleeping together for over 20 years". Since we will barely see each other this week due to work and personal commitments, we agreed there was no need for her to stay elsewhere this week. Tonight and tomorrow night I work until late, so we will basically just sleep together. The next 2 nights she will be out of town and Friday night she will have her usual girls night out and be home very late. So...even though things will appear "normal" we really won't have any contact until Satruday night or Sunday. Probably a good thing?
After dinner, I had a severe Irittable Bowel Syndrom attack and spent the rest of the night in the bathroom and then went to bed very early.
This morning my wife left for work before I was out of bed, as usual. She always hugs me and says bye before she leaves. That did not happen and last time we went thought this that disappeared for some time. I will make no mention of it.
So...things went better than expected. And for the next week, relax, remove all pressure and expectations and be prepared for next weekend.
I came home from work last night and wife was not here. I called her to see what was up. She says she now won't be home until Saturday night after taking daughter shopping for the day. She seemed very cold on the phone and when I mentioned that we never finished our discussion, she said "we will talk this week to see if we should talk on Sunday". That sounds like she may be making her decision this week. I really can't do much without persuing, so I guess there is nothing I can do. We did agree that she should be home next week, when the kids go back to school. It looks like I may wind up out of the house for a while - and I have no idea where to go.
I could not sleep last night and today I am feeling hopeless. I am literally sick over this and don't know how I am going to get through the work week, or even just live, and somehow remain positive and give off good vibes etc.
Today it just simply hurts. My fellow db'ers, I need support.
I have just realized that I really need to de-tatch. I have a real issue with attachment. My wife always saw it as controlling and jealousy and so did I. I just became aware of what it all really stems from. What a moment that was. If nothing else, comes out of all of this, at least I found a golden nugget that will help me today, tomorrow and forever.
