Just want my H back

[pearlharbr]

I would never advocate making an ultimatum you are not willing to carry out. And I don't think it necessarily conflicts with other advice to GAL and drop the rope.

I know that you're not ready for an ultimatum, and your sitch doesn't warrant one. What I advocate is figuring out what your boundaries are and enforcing them. Are you willing to keep loaning H money? Are you willing to drive him around or do other favors for him? The question about dating other people is a little trickier. You don't know for certain there is OW but he has mentioned dating. Are you willing to share your H with another woman? You cannot control his behavior but you certainly can define what is and is not acceptable to you and let him know.

I am all for you GAL and making yourself happy. Like a broken record I will keep repeating: stop making it about your H and start making it about yourself. No one else will put your best interests first, it's up to you and you alone.

The past is the past, you can't bring it back. The only thing you can do now is focus on the present and do what you can to have the best possible future.