I hate to see you here, but you are at the right place. I see some huge positives that you have to note, but not focus on. Your wife did plead her love to you not that long ago and you still had an active "intimate" life until a few days. As far as the intimate life, she probably ended it because of guilt. She was real close or filed the papers...so in her mind "what sane person would keep being intimate with some one they are divorcing?" To me it makes sense and should be noted, but the lack of intimate life should not be a factor or focus on how you need to proceed.
You need to focus on you and your relationship with your children. Your wife's negative reaction to your improved relationship with the kids is also understandable. She remembers years of you not being there and now you are...and she resents it (I know this catch-22 from experience). You need to just focus on you and your relationship with the kids. Forget her reaction and don't worry about it. Your relationship with them is about you and has nothing to do with her. Focus on you!
As far as the changes you have made...you are doing good, but I want to point something out. You are making life changes! Life changes take time and don't happen over night, in a week, a month, or sometimes years. I have seen so many times on this board people proclaiming about the changes they have made while only being at this for a week or a month. I highly doubt that in most situations that the changes have been burned into the brain that fast. People who change there lives without a catalyst like divorce take months and years to make them. Focus on yourself and make the changes, but understand it doesn't happen overnight. Think about your first months in the military. You didn't just become a soldier on day one (sorry...don't know what branch)...you were changed over time. That change took what, 8-12 weeks under a system that has been perfected for the last 75 years. Imagine trying to make that change without the system...it would takes years!
Then don't expect your wife to notice or admire your changes for a long while. Even if she wanted to...she won't. The bad is burned into her brain and she is focused on it. You could kill yourself for two weeks playing with the kids and lay down for a break one day...she won't remember the two weeks...but she will remember you laying on the couch just like you used to do. That is just the honest truth!
Suggestions; I wouldn't move out unless you have to for military reasons...she wants the divorce and she should move out.
Find Puppy on this board...he is the best hands down...listen and hear what he says.
No dating and her comment is guilt driven. Don't go there. experience-Went out with a female friend, really just friend, for dinner. My wife said the same as yours. After a dinner ruined by her calling and texting me, a bitch session with her friends and mother, and running out the door to be with her "friend" when I got home...the truth was unveiled. It wasn't what she really wanted!
What are your 180's and GAL activities?
Definitely get somebodies advice on your calmness to everything. If she truly is bothered by your reaction...there may be something there to work with!
