Hey hhh, I will def. check out your thread. I want to respond to this post first.
First of all, H has since quit therapy - after only three sessions. He did it to placate me, and blame me and the therapist. He showed up, said, "Convince me why things will be different this time" and when the therapist said change can only happen with your willingness, he refused to go back. So I am DBing instead. I'm working on me, not him.
Then, he said he wanted a legal separation agreement to protect him financially if/when we will get divorced, and said he does not want to go to therapy until this happens. He wants the terms he wants NOW because he fears the longer this goes on, the more he;ll get screwed on alimony. I figure he also thinks I'll be fairer to him if I hope there's a reconsiliation possibility, but if he waits to debate settlement terms once a D is in progress, I may fight harder. I have decided to have his lawyer draw something up, I'll send it to my lawyer and then discuss how this will help or hurt me.
After I seemed agreeable to the legal stuff, he started being more responsive, spending more time with us and all. I originally thought it was because I let go and didn't fight him on money or on leaving that he may have had a second thought about it all.
Today I'm more scared. I got possessed by the fear today that perhaps he is just being nice to me and spending time with S to get me to agree with his legal terms, not because he is reconsidering.
I dont' know where H is coming from. I don't know what to expect. This is why I have to go slow and steady, because I am afraid of getting screwed too. I don't want to come from a place of fear, I'm trying to come from love lately. But he definitely tries to make it difficult sometimes!
Like today: H said he'd be out at work and the gymn for a few hours then home tonight. He hasn't called - it's been six hours. I'm getting despondent again. I don't know what to do. If I call him, I'm "chasing" and not "GALing". But he is going back on his word and this scares me. I don't want him to think he can just breeze in and out of here whenever he feels like it AND get what he wants in a settlement b/c he gave one week of good behavior!
