My UFO (unbelievably fabulous observations)

[hoosiermama]

Thanks, ncb.

My prayer life and my relationship with God are still good, one of my few remaining intact relationships. I pray for healing, for wisdom, for strength. I did almost 7 years of ministry, which sort of ended the same week as my marriage--and that helped me to understand God's love. I find church very difficult right now, tho, because I have felt so betrayed by xH's church (where he still serves in a leadership capacity) and my own, where I was bullied out of a job.

I cannot afford IC right now. If I could, I would be getting it for D13. I don't qualify for any aid or reduced fees based upon my salary; I just have a lot of expenses, including attorney fees and old medical bills. I am still doing spiritual direction, however, after a year's hiatus.

Still taking large doses of AD's, or I wouldn't be making it at all, I think. I have never coped well with feeling isolated, and I have felt isolated many times in my life. And I have yet to figure out a strategy to prevent that from triggering despair. The bete noir continues to stalk. I do all that stuff you're supposed to do--get active, do creative things, reach out over and over and over to friends, stay busy. But the loneliness is terrible.

I have experienced joy over the past year or so. Many times. It's just that there is so much time in-between filled with moment-by-moment existence. God is present, but God cannot change my circumstances. I believe that he is as sad as I am about the rejection I have experienced. Nevertheless, I feel it just the same. Sometimes you just need somebody with skin on, you know?