Quote: When you ask her to elaborate on how she is feeling -- if she ever starts to struggle verbalizing that and reverts to the 'Oh, I don't know, can we drop this?' -- ask her to think about it some on her own, and make a date to talk abou it again two or three days from now.
What if you took a similar approach with initiating sex? When you try to get something started and your wife doesn't respond or moves away, you say something like "Well, it may not be working out this time. We can try again another time." Calmly and compassionately said, of course. And don't respond to any angry outburst from her or attempt to get the sex argument started. That will just be a way for her to try and get the issue to disappear or deflect responsibility all back on you.
The message you want to send is "I'm not angry or hurt or blaming you. But sex in our marriage is not going to be going away. We are going to deal with it."
It is a confident, strong message. (And we know how sexy those qualities are, in men and women. )
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