Any Way the Wind Blows

[cat04]

SR,

I personally don't want to have any sort of R talks with H. If he chooses to come back my way then he does, but somehow I think if I have to sit and discuss with him how I felt during all of this, well he probably would run for the hills. For me, I feel it is more like baby steps will be made of him simply rejoining the family, if that is what he chooses. And I will have to get everything out here.

Yes I understand what you are saying about nitpicky stuff. My biggest sin, at least when he dropped the bomb, was that I was selfish because I asked him to rub my head to help me sleep. Of course then the list got to be longer and more involved and some of it was accurate and justified and some of it not. But that was truly the worst thing he could come up with that I did wrong. It amazes me how these people think.

My H mutters contstantly too. Of course he has always done that, but now it is like he can't stop himself at all. But he doesn't say much either (nothing new) so I really don't anticipate him announcing that he changed his mind or anything like that either. I don't even expect him to announce it if he decides to leave. As of late, my DBing skills really suck. But right now, he needs to hear what I have to say. Which is not much but it is important. And it seems to come out in small doses which is probably better for both of us. But he can see that I am happy in all areas of my life as long as I don't have to interact with him. But what I have said to him has been said with love, even if it isn't received that way, and I can see the smoke coming out of his ears at times when the wheels are churning away and he is thinking about things. I am just tired of living with two teenagers. You know my parents had 5 kids by choice, I have one. I really am starting to hate having two. LOL.

Anyway, TIF, you H seems to be headed into the beginning of depression. As you watch the replay wind down, you can see it more clearly, like you are, but try to remember they will cycle and go back and forth for a while, so just try to go with it. I'm glad his anger is winding down, at least what he directs at you. Just keep being the lighthouse, it is what I am trying to do although it isn't always easy. Someday someone is going to be my lighthouse because I've done way too much of it in my lifetime. Have a great weekend all.